METhursday, July 28, 2005
from the title u mght oredi guess wads in tis entry....most of it will b full of boredom....well,im surrounded by darkness now.....nth seems to light up my world,my lyf........evrieting seeems dull...no light...no colors.....ard me is pitch dark.....feeling sad ever still....nth tt cn keep me happy...nth can ever make me happy....even if der is a smile on my face....bhind my evrie smile lies a story... a story ttt has no ending...a story tt hadd causes sufferings...a story tt no one wud understand...a story of darkness tt is within me.....
sumtyms i wonder is tis lyf reallie mine? the lyf tt i hav been living 4 the past 15 yrs...is juz a lie.....a lie to myself.....a lie tt i knew it existed within me....a lie tt i gave place in my heart n mind.....yes its true....i've living in a world whereby i lie to evrieone including myself...i lie to like sum1.....i lied to sae tt i love sum1 hu i dun love....i lied tt i am happy...i lie tt i hav no probs...i lie that i wud eva b so0o happy if evrie one is happy.....
but the truf is i've been suffering.....alot infact....no one noes......
evrieting in my lyf is about those who surrounds me...their happiness...their well being their evrieting is juz my 1st priority..me is 2nd...i've hurt myself to hang on to sumting tt i dun even wan to...i lie myself to love him....wen the truf is actuali der is......4get it...its no use talking bout it.....well...most gal wud have started crying wen they realize all tis or they felt tt their lyf is sucha drag or its useless to live anymore......but 4 me....bhaiz....i juz cant get myself to cry....i have eva tried to cry but i juz cant......maeb its bcos of a promised tt i had made to myself...tt is i wud b strong n wud neva cry again....even how much it hurts me....
wad am i saying???????????????????? i LOVE my lyf...alot....i love it alot tt i wudnt mind being hurt insyd.....i wudnt mind nt to cry...cos tt is wad i want n wad i am gd at....if u want to tink tt i hav an attitude prob or im to0o emo...den u guys r wrg....im nt...i juz want to xpress myself...as i cant do it the normal way dat gal does wen they hav probs.....
to my frens: no matter wad....i will still b as cheerful as i owaez am....even though i am sad insyd...
to those byrons n ppl who tinks wrgly bout me n tt person: i hav nth to do wif him...we r juz frens...n dat old story is reallie old story...its neva gonna b repeated....plz blieve me....
``Purpledramaqueenmadness ; 11:36 PM
MYRA
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