~BeHiNd MaSk~

la dee daa..

2008-01-12T11:52:00.000-08:00

back to blogging....

stress up.... f*cked up.... tts all i can say... smtyms i just want to take a brk from everyone xcept for tt one person...

anyways, do u blieve in fate? its sumting tt u cnt xplain on hw it werks...

lyk how one of my fren says...fate is sometig tt u cant xplain..n how fate brings two people togetha...

he's been living opposite my school for 19 yrs... wen i was in still schooling der for 4 yrs...he's been there all dis while... we just didnt meet each other wen we r close... lets just say... we r so0o closed yet soo0o far... haha.... but its just weird and unexplainable how we cud in the end get to noe each other...n he is still living in tt same house wen i was having tt oh-so0o-boring-so0o-we-decided -to hav-our-own-fun camp...just imagine all the din tt i make at his blk...the meet ups wif my ex-es at his void deck...hahah....dang.... i guess if i had open my eyes even more i wud hav noticed hi earlier..but tt wud nt b the same anymore.. cos i wnt b as close to him lyk nw..n...fate werks in an incredibly unxplainable manner...if tt incident of his really did take place, i guess i wouldnt even get to noe him...well, he is my listener... he always help to hear out my probs..n listen to wad i hav to go tru... just sitting down and talking with him makes me feel at ease.. looking at his face just make me smile and sumtyms make me forget bout all d tings tt i hav to go tru... i lied to him yest... i told him i cnt look at his eyes cos im uncomfortable.. n i cn only look at sum1 in his eyes if he is a fren whom i noe for a very long tym... i lied to him..i cnt get myself to tell him d truf bout it... in actual fact its d opposite...if only he knows tt i cnt look at him cos im used to it.. but if i look at tt person in his eyes.. n i cn do it lyk a long tym..it means another ting... but i cnt tell him tis... i cnt... so0o anyways... me n tis fren of mine r just fren-based... its just tt i cn share evryting n aniting to him..

quoting from him... u r a problem solver for others.. ; u r a tortoise.. believe in urself bn dun care bout others..

i owaes tell n dvice other people to nt care for wad other peole say..but im dointhe same ting..but nt bcos my slef-esteem is low...its bcos tt i dun want to hurt others....
well,,yes i am..but i dun solve my own problems? i just dun lyk to share wif others unless im very comfortable wif them or i just feel tt he/she is sum1 tt cn b a goodlistener n tt i wnt trouble he/she wif my probs...

niwaes... i feel lyk running away from evriting..sumtyms i feel tt i nid to go sumwhere alone with a gd company by my side...whereby both of us just keep quiet n look at the stars n feel d breeeze of d wind... lyk yest nyte...thx kyo...

lucky

2007-09-27T06:12:00.000-07:00

i just realized how lucky i was to be in tis world...to be loved by others..be it my family, friends or ehem ehem...even though i dun hav one...haha..m1.

no serously, tink of it tis way..life without that special someone..can be boring..but if u were in my shoes.. u wud say.. relationship for nw is just a movie..or just a play... y? lets c.. first of all..it has its period of tym.. 2ndly, it has its sweet introduction.. den followed by its conflict.. n den its resolution/coclusion..which is. either the couple rmains or nt...

as for me.. i feel super duper great n lucky... i didnt noe tt the decison of braking up with sum1 especially that sum1 wud make a huge diffrent in my lyf... its been mths nw.. n my lyf is better.. my studies gg on gd.. even thouh i do nt really go out wif my frens...its ok...i still hav them in my heart... love lyf..no one special at the moment... no bf...urggh...hw i hate wen ppl used boyfie to call their bfs... its lyk calling urself dolly for sum weird reason...its as if u added a non-human-liked characteristic to ur bf... like a toy.. it goes to wen u call them hunny bunny or sugarie pie...sounds lyk food..ur bf is ur food?? so0o much for music is the food of love...

nyways..im currently gg on dates..if u guys wanna noe...so0o far none is my music... either too boring...too loud... too skinny...too fat..oops...scratch that...I DO NOT DATE SUM1 HU IS BIGGER THAN SIZE M N SHORTER DEN 165 CM ... haha..picky?choosy? application form is available online.. at www.imverychoosytowhoismyboyfriend.com...
u hav to hav wad u want ryte...

to all ex-es: hey...i forgive all of u...but dat doesnt mean i can forget...but only to tt 1 ex that has freaky in his initials..u r nt forgiven..n i do hate u..but i thank you for leaving my lyf...be happy wif tt gal kae...the gal dat many tinks is a stealer..hehehe..

to all besties: our date shud b after fyza's promos..so0o meaning... after hari raya as well...btw plan for jln raye..gals only or mixed??

last of all i miss amirul jufri...

random

2007-09-26T09:25:00.000-07:00

my heart, my voice,my mind,my soul...

as the sky turns dark
my heart begins to pound
my voice tries to bark
but there was no sound

as i turn my head to look up to the moon
my mind begin to wonder
my voice tries to humm a tune
but there was neither

as i hear footsteps behind my head
my heart begins to tick like a clock
my voice tries to call out ahead
but it remains lock

as i feel icy palms around my throat
my mind begin to disappear
my voice tries to call out to the boat
but it remains in its pier

as the pressure gets stronger
my heart begins to struggle
my voice tries harder
but it only gives out a gurgle

as the dark sky turns to light
my mind begins to sink
my voice tries to fight
but it was at its brink

as the light fades into the darkness
my heart begins to mute
my voice tries its weakness
but it had turn mute

there was no light shining
there was no heart pounding
there was no voice screaming
there was no mind thinking

as the sky turns to light
my heart pounded to its end
my voice has ended its fight
as he left me around the bend..

-PuRpLeMaDnEsS-

blogging after s0o0o0 long

2007-08-14T11:30:00.000-07:00

hey peeps i noe ive not been updating...plain lazy and bz and was trying to settle down....

first of all i want to dclare tt ive moved on....nt with that ingrate anymore....n im nt holding onto any hopes to the other person as well..

its a whole new journey for me now... new journey means a whole new me... but i will still make u guys laugh....

well so0o far im trying to cncentrateon my studies...so far ok lah average b...ok2 je....
friendship...wo0oho0o0o...stll am in luv wif all my besties n i hav new frens tt lave a huge impact on my life...that caused me to changed....

family lyf...as owaes...u guys shud noe...

luv lyf...if uu guys blive in msn luvv den u wudnt tink tt im crazy... reallie i fall in luv wif a guy whom ive nt met...we only talk on d phone n chat on msn.. we do noe hw eacj other looks lyk though...

quoting frm him : purplemadness is equal to seri! in lluv WITH PURPLEMADNESS (1st version)

then he changed it to

purplemadness is equal to Ayu! in lluv WITH PURPLEMADNESS

weee... and he's not clapping with one hand..

i cant wait for tis sat n hopefully next wed happens..*winkz*

some random thoughts.... y isit that a guy only reacts or tell a gal how he feels for her wen he feels he is in a very vulnerable position?

n y does some guys cant stick to one?
n y oes some guys dun even want to admit that he is in a relationship?

btw mie...i agree she is not prety...hehe....

btw zah dump adnan kae...

btw syiq ade mamat cd waiting in line for numbers aku lupe nk kasi ko nye...haha...soon aite....

oh yarh almost forgot..... i hurt sum1 tis wk..but i noe i oredi hurt alot of ppl... letting them fall for me but in d end im nt intrested in dem...
to those i hav hurt im sry..just that i noe wad im capable of...

damn tired

2007-05-04T09:46:00.001-07:00

i noe ive not been updatin but i'll try to regularly..promise...

so anyways 4 dis wk...

mon...nth much had my photos tt i took 4 photography back..kinda cool haha..the photos i mean..did evriting correctly..so0o den had studio production lecture..douglas showed us a korean music video..kind of nice bu seems lyk they play alot wif colourse n camera angle rhythm...but his lesson was super entertaining...with his OH MY GOD!! hahah....so0o den it was introduction to film..we watch vertigo by Alfred Hitchcock..he's my man!! hahaha...excellent film..really..u guys shud go n watch it...so0o anyways den went back home..didnt meet aidil todae..

tues..public holiday...wee.....hahahah...did nth actuali jz assignments..well tried too..haha...juz slack at home...dats all watch drumline..n several other shows.....boring day..tarian members came to practice..ive nt been racticing. maeb tis sun den im starting..no soccer training due to public hols...boo hoo...

wed..had nth...juz usual...met up wif aidil..he taught me hw to play pool..kinda hard at first..paiseh lah..im d onlie gal in the pool place...all guys..but i t to relax n did quite a pretty wonderful job..hahah...i ace it..den went back after dnner as tuition was cancelled..so0o went back home..at 11 den started to do all my assignments...haha...ends at 2 am..

thurs...had introduction to film again wif melanie...slept in d tutorial..haha...rerun of vertigo..was damn tired lah n sleepy...so slept lyk a log..n woke up juz on tym as she finishes her class..hha...im so0o bad...den had lunch at canteen 1 super pack...d only table we gt was table dat was surrounded by mamats..no other choice..oh yarh...almost fell down at canteen 1..haha...was super duper slippery lah...but luckily nur rein was der..haha..so0o den had my fav plain rice wif fish fillet n hotdog..hehe..no gravy or aniting else..yum yum...after lunch was followed by studio production w/shop....wee...did CU,LIGHTING,CG n audio...was damn tired by the tym we did audio..but d fun part was lighting...haha...super duper grt..we get to control evriting..key fill back..key fill back..key fill back..hahahaha....class ends at 5.50...rush to sports complex for my soccer...was so0o dumb lah..the door for our club was supposed to be pushed..but i pulled..luckily shidah was in d room..shidah is my trainer..haha...sort of paiseh lah...den rush inside took out boots n shinguards n socks..rush out of d room put on my boots den of to the field..did a few trick drills...haha..izzah..lock ur ankle ok...
oh yarh der was one point of tym we r suppose to kick the ball wif our inside by lifting our leg..so its lyk our partner wud throw the ball n we hav to kick it lightly upwards..izzah's went all over the place..mine.hahah...it was too strong..it went over my partner's head,nearly hit the next person's head..n it hit shidah's neck..wkkakaka...im soo violent..stay far frm me... den der was d obscene part..we had to stop the ball using our thigh so0o wen it hits our thigh it will hit our chest..as i was only using my right only my right side was dirty..izzah was laughing lyk a mad cow n looking at my right side of chest...shut up kae izzah...den did few tackling..den did sprinting..shuckz man..den at d last set which is the 10th set..had a very sharp pain on my waist n kidney...couldn't even walk..hahah..den had to walk lyk a zombie cudnt even turn my body..izzah.zombie pe...wkakaka...izzah being a nice fren clean my boots for me..by soaking it into the water n nt draining the water out..thx izzah..s0o i brought back a bag of water filled boots n socks..haha..den went to bathe..den home..reach ard 12 plus.den ard 1 did my assignment for ryan inggrasia's class....dats all

todae...nth much..just went to delifrance wif mom,grandma,maria n shiqa...hhaa...funny lah..maria had dis kids buffet n she chose two choclate muffin..n wen i ask her if she wants other tings she was lyk,"Maia dun want..neva eat" in mly though..was so0o paiseh lah..she talk so0o loud...haha..den shiqa did her hitting of the table while giving a very weird face...die mcm geram geraman gtu..hahaha..den after breakfast wen to sch by cab...had art n dsign..drew 3d todae...well, quite ok..still having art shock...haha..i can draw..wkakak..den had storytellingtechnique class...played a game wif ben for d class..n i won..wee...haha...gals r a gd observer..tt rminds me of my assignment,...i hav to observe two strangers..complete strangers..n write evriting bout dem..hm..hw shud i do it?haha...

nyays having leg cramps todae....cant even walk properly fter siitting down for along tym...haiz...my muscles r still nt use to it lah..maeb it'll get better soon..

tmr will b gg to hilton to help my aunt wif her dancers performance...haiz...tiring for sure..nvm lah..niwaes, aidil will b gg der in d evening soo i'll b fine..hehe

update more soon..n i'll try my best to update regularly...

hatred

2007-04-29T07:14:00.000-07:00

anione want to xchange lyf wif me??? hahah...anione tinks tt my lyf is wonderful??haha..i wish...

wizard of oz - there's no place like home... is tis phrase true ? i have doubts bout it..

ever feel like u juz dun belong n dat no one understands u...or even lk no one try to understands u.. or worst u r nt given the equal ryte r oppurtunity than ur other siblings? or sumtyms u wonder y u were even born in the first place..

niwaez.. poly life is ok..cool modules that im crrently takin..photography,studio production,understanding films art n dsign n creating screenplay....the tym tables r flexible...d earliest is 9 n d latest is 2...wee...hahah...as for my cca i took up soccer..wee...but i hav to werk hard to get a plaxe in the 1st 11...which is hard for nw..but im gg to werk hard after im well enuf...btw,i lost almost 5 to 7 kg in 2 wks..i hav no idea wad happen to me...isit due to the climbing of hill or isit bcos im nt eating.i dunn0e..my face is nw pale n abit sunken den usual..i look damn sick lah..i dunn0e...i juz hate it...but to lose 5 to 7 kg in less than 2 wks is juz weird seriouzly...its lyk im doing a crash or sumting...

been having alot of tinks in my mind nw..im till settling down for sch..lotsa of assignments n projects..if to compare both aevel n diploma standards..its both d same..juz tt diploma is more hands on..but in terms of which one has to go through harder examination i say diploma..u hav to do written test n as well as practical tes and oso project based test whereby u hav to mit d public. n conduct d project sumtyms even with celebrities tts for my course only though.

thoughts

2007-04-23T07:32:00.001-07:00

been tinkn again..the primary causes of brk up...3rd party..the primary cause of a crush nt becoming lovers...3rd party...isit the guys fault cos they tend to go to a prettier gal? actuali no n yes...

sumtyms its us gals hu dstroys otha gals life..for example...a gal noes that a guy is attached to anotha gal..but she deliberately seduce him n causes the guy to brk up..or even gal noes that the guys lyk anotha gal..but she had to seduce him until he fall for her...hw bad can a gal be...gals being the weaker sex..yet cunning..

sumtyms the one that is most closest to u r the one hu wud dstroy u..blieve me..even though im a gal myself. im ashamed of my own sex..my own sex that causes brk ups of beautiful relationship.. my own sex that s a 3rd party..i mean a guy wudnt want to go for anotha gal if the gal didnt open up to him ryte...it takes two to clap...it takes two to tango....if d gal didnt start it wud d guy hav fallen for her...

we'll take crushes for example..d guy lyks a gal alot..super2 alot...but suddenly came anotha gal...be it a fren of the gal tt he lyks or an outsider..if that gal didnt talk or 'lyn kan' d guy.. dat guy wud b togetha wif the gal dat he lyks initially...

nw for relationship... if a gal hadnt get to n0e a guy hu is attached n talked to him n b close wf him..dat guy wudnt hav fall for her n brk off his rship...

u c ppl..sumtyms we cant ju blame d guys...sumtyms its bcos of us gals dat made brk ups...we dun realize it...but sumtyms we do..if u were to say uve neva done it tink again...evryone wud hav...sumtyms u r d victims sumtys u r d bad guy..u might b a victim of ur own fren/bezfren or even u might b a victim of an outsider..or u r d bad guy to ur own fren or an outsider...so ppl tink kAES...dun b a bitch to otha gals...if u hurt ppl.one dae u wud hurt urself..n if u keep ruining otha ppls luv lyf..u wnt get ur own luv lyf back..trust me...ive gone tru it...

miss d chance

2007-03-16T14:42:00.000-07:00

haiz......i miss d chance lah...gt dat awaited fone call..but had to do sumting n tt person do nt hav any more cents...haiyo..shcukz sia
i wish i cud talk to dat person soon..i dunn0e y.. but i juz nid to talk to tt person...

anyways..im tinkin of cutting my hair...nt sure lah..maeb yes maeb n0...lets c lah wads d outcome..oh yarh..n im planning to go shopping..next wk i guess...maeb wif my dear mie or hu ever.....hopefully xyz oso..haha...i want to buy some tops at bugis street...2 for 20..n oso more jeans..n oso more blouse....oh yarh most importantly a high cut n neckermann sandals in black...
so0o much too buy so0o lil money...ahha....

i wish to mit sum1..my most closest buudy...we r too close..n i miss gg town togetha..i miss those movies togetha n i oso miss d late nite chats n especially i miss my fren fetching me...haha...miss all those tyms....

on a happy note

2007-03-14T01:12:00.001-07:00

i n0e my previous post was super duper downside...so0o nw on d upside of life...

well, after os result withdrew frm m.i... den applied to poly...even went for an interview 4 fsv...so0o yada yada yada...gt into the course...weee....sumting tt i owaez wanted to do...so0o moz probably ill b gg to np to further my education..so0o 3 yrs to get a diploma...den maeb continue to u..hopefully, or straight away werk..hmm...nt sure yet...so0o anyways,fyza is gg m.i..gg to miss her lots...but we'll still mit up..4 sure...sam dear is gg to rp..i.t gal ke?? haha... kahi affandy is gg to np..same wif me but difrent sch...sch of engineering..yuni rp too..

well, nt being in sch is a total boredom..n lets juz say tiring to b at home..housewerk n all..haiz...so0o anyways... i want to go SHOPPING anione wanna accompany me? hehe...but hav to wait till i gt my money cn?? hhahahhha....

so0o anyways...wad i miss most is gg out wif syiq only haha..juz d two of us...evriting wud juz go wrg...haha...i mean seriouzly...evriting juz go wrg...hahah...ooh...juz d two of us...dat rminds me of todae the dancefloor..wee...muz catch it....haha...disco nite todae...wkakak....

so0o anyways...i miss m.i frens..elektra 3...o7a4..haiz...those memories...haha..especially the ponning of class... rkss moment wif the S.O...haha...miss dem loads...

S.O are six frens who were brought together frm difrent bckgrds..the 5 of dem were put into the same class n were introdue to each othe rby their home tutor benny lim..d last member was frens wif one of dem..bestest of frens..therefore,social outcasts was born..S.O comprises of Diyana the founder... farah the one wif incurable stage of rkss...fairoz the cool guy who owaez catch us in rkss moments.. sakinah the laid back member..natasha the one hu owaes look at our stupid jokes tt we hav on each other...n me the klutz and most panic member of the S.0...haiz...miss trhose daes...the crashing at diy's house...haha..salsa mania..i wish all of us cud hav the moments again...haha...oh yarh n especially kental mat dodol's (mr johari)class aka lit class...haha..those were d daes....but wad to do they r memories...memories of the S.O....

oh yarh..maeb my dreams might come trus soon..but i nid to train myself first n b reallie gd at it...only one way to do it..trained by coach Raja Edwin...hahahaha...

kae lah..i guess my post is long enuf...

evrione is in my heart n mind...even tt one person..is included...luv u all..

lyfs down

2007-03-13T21:32:00.001-07:00

ever tink tt u gt ur lyf setled in n evriting wud b perfect upon being wif d one hu luv u? wudnt it b juz perfect..well its nt...sumtyms ppl may tink tt its best to b wif d one hu luv u.. but sumtyms being wif d one hu luv u doesnt make u hav d happiness n feel d luv..in fact u r even hurting urself..hu n0es u might luv sum1 else deep insyd...

oh yarh tout of sumting random again..feelings nw.. weneva a gal sees a picture of a particular guy wif another gal..dat gal wud hav tis weird feeling in her..as if her heart was pierced..den tears wud begin to form.n if d guy's pict is wif his ex..she feel even hurt..n wnder whether shud she doubt him or nt..n keep on askin qns such as did he meant wad he said..but y does he hav an ex wen he says he is nt ready..but d gal often push it aside n said..they r juz frens she shudnt react dat way n tt she herself had an ex while she isnt ready..n she is even attached nw to a person hu luv her...so to all...in ur opinion y is d gal reacting n feeling tt way weneva she sees a pict of her guy fren wif anotha gal.

i am a rose
wif one of its thorns broken.

despite evriting..i wud owaes go wif d flow..n put evriting to fate..but ill try to make d best out of my relationship.i wish tt he wud nt cahange aniting tt he is feeling..n he wud wait..n if it is meant to b it wud meant to b..i dunn0e..

oh yarh.. anotha random qn..hav u guys ever feel tt u r wif d wrg person? or av anione felt as if they are so0o stupid as they took d wrg dcision? or even u xpect sumting more frm ur guy but he still ignores ur wants..e.g u want him to b sweet to u n to make u feel lyk u r d only one tt he has in d world..

random random random...

anyways yest was grt...haha outing wif dem was weee...dspite nt in d mood i still tried my best to make joke n b myself...n sam was intrested in tis guy halimy or haliny..nt sure lah..his voice was super duper soft lah dat i had to strain my ears..haha...so0o we walked ard far east..den off to bugis..im so0o gg to shop wen i hav d money soon..hahah...

oh yarh..i nid a wkend job...does anione noe of any?

to fyza: thx 4 evriting gal...
to arn: if u had told me earlier..evriting wyd b difrent? nw we cn juz wait wad fate had planned 4 us...if it is reallie mant to b den its meant to b..
to dear: im sry if i hav hurt u..i n0e u cant even read tis post..haiz....

lyf is owaez lyk tis....i hate it wen tings turn lyk tis.. sumtyms i juz feel i want to end evriting even my lyf,..haha..bt tt wnt haapen...

yada yada

2006-12-17T01:36:00.000-08:00

kae first of all..food for thought

1st topic..y do they call it psp which is playstation portable instead of portable playstation..which sounds a whole lot nicer..isit due to the catchiness of d sound of its shortform
psp psp psp..or rathe be it pps pps pps..hmm..i wonder..n will owaez wnder..but personally portable playstation sound nicer n more grammatically correct...
2nd topic..hav any of u ever wndered wen u r in d train..n u r in a cabin n actuli u r in d same cabin as ur frens or even dream mate? as in u r in dat particular cabin n they r in d otha cabin but on d same train at d same tym..hav u ever wnder bout it?? i do..n will owaez wnder..

niwaez,im down..reallie down..im missing my dear super duper alot n so0oo0o much..hu wudnt...he didnt bring his hp..so had to rely on one of his fren/bunkmates..so i juz hav to wait his call..i reallie miss him lyk hell..i juz wish i cud hug him n tell him hw much i luv him tt dis was actualli killing me..haiz..its only gg to b 4 4 mths..den he's gg to werk on aa regular basis..hopefully...haiyoyo...i hope he wnt get tto tired n even fall sick...haiz...
if onlie he cud read tis

well, lyf is gr8t being wif him...ive become more mature n able to tink wisely..he thought me d value of lyf n even hw to handle situations tt r tricky in lyf..he even changed me 4 d better..n im still striving to improve myself...
well..next yr wud b a gr8t challenge 4 us..him wif his ns..me wif my new sch n environment..we hav to adapt n try nt to hurt each otha...n to understand each otha...well,its kinda hard n for sure ders hurdles..but i hope we cud go tru everiting together..hoping tt we will sail smoothly on d rough seas..

well,i miss my frens..of course...todae had outing wif syiq..as usual we went CRAZY!!!!!! as owaes..haha...my leg is super duper tired..n im worn out..n its an unlucky dae...wanted to eat at kfc didnt get to
bk
nope..ljs so nt...astly banquet was our destination...oh yarh b4 tt at kfc...freaky man..tis chinese family was looking at me n smiling den at syiqah...freaky..i was reallie embarasssed n didnt n0e wad to do dat i almost fell backwards towards a guy...n frm tt tym dat guy n his frens kept staring at me n smiling..freaky..

den made a fool out of myself while walking towards far east...tis lil girl had hit me on my left knee..n she almost made me fly towards syiqah..literally i was off my left foot..n a guy saw it n was lyk eh eh eh ...n i as per normal..shouted "bodoh!"..haha..im bad....den found siqs shoe den went back home..hopped onto the crazy 190..me n syiq lost balance twice..crazee driver...

dats all...

missing him..
missing dem..
luving him 4ever..
wish u were here my dear...

wazaa

2006-12-01T21:46:00.000-08:00

kae i n0e long tym didnt update.....hehe...sry...

well..im nw juz lazing ard..hoping tt i wud b given money 4 tt..haha..joking..will b finding for werk soon..but nw waiting 4 sch's reply 4 3 mths course...

as for todae..went out wif aidil...went to his house..den out we went to his mums den off to town..haha..walk her n der..did a short survey...boguht nth..juz window shopped..spend tym together b4 he go off to serve d country..hehe...gonna miss him..den off to his home again..ate ljs..his sis was home..chatted awhiel..den watch tv..slack ard...so den off to lot 1...dis is wen my panic mode tt aidil has never seen b4 came to life..hehe..
saw shahro, todae...was quite shocked...duh...been about 8 mths since i last saw huim n we did nt hav a clean break up...stupid him uh..but seriouzly i tout he was gone 4 gd...but he is near nw..too near..argh!!i dunn0e..seriouzly..y must he dcide to wwerk at lot 1...fcuk man!!!!! haiyo..hw am i gonna face him w/o smacking his face..haiyo..im juz scared dat he wud aproach me..i dun want to even c him..at all..memories r too much even though it was realie a short while...

niwaes...update more after 12

haiz

2006-11-26T13:15:00.000-08:00

sunday...d dae of our anni...n im stuck at home..cos im sick..n he is off to a gig..haiz...nvm...niwaez..fri was prom..it was ok lah..quite fun....memories tt will neva b 4gotten...dat might b d last tym ill b meeting my frens..but i hope we wud still b in contact...

niwaez,reflection of lyf...sumtyms i juz feel tt lyf is unfair...i guess its true... tout tt after os.lyf wud b simpler 4 me..but nope..i as wrg..i still cant go out as usual..n screw my sis ok..she gets to go out lyk evry wkend even though sum of it was fiiled wif her activities..still she cud go out afta tt..haiz..maeb its juz my stars...i dun hav the shiny bright stars on my side...can aione gimme some stars? sprinkle me wif magic powder so my lyf wud change..haiz...till wen wud i live in tis lyf..a lyf which hav a barrier..a lyf whereby i am kept in an enclosed area tt is wide enuf onli 4 me to run in circles..haiz...i guess..will try to go out soon..hopefully my wish wud b granted...well, i wish i wud b given freedom to go out n n b restricted as ive completed my os..any fairies or elf reading tis?? haha...joking aites...

niwaez...lost a fren todae...i meaa reallie lost a fren...n its lyk real..onli wen importsnt den we wud talk..use to b close..but haiz..nvm..i guess i still hav tha frens ard..if i reallie hav...

down wif flu..prom dae...reminscing

2006-11-24T09:11:00.000-08:00

sry 4 nt updatin...i guess its almost two mths since i last updated..ahha...sry sry..niwaes alot hav been happening..but i cant rmember evry single dtail.

niwaez,my lyf can b said gr8t nw...o's have ended..im free...yeahh!!! haha...well, dyed my hair as to symbolize d ending of sec sch lyf..well, the color didnt turn out bright as i wanted..haha...guess my hair is too black...hahah

so..todae is my prom dae...n bad luck...im down wif flu...haiz....niwaez will b getting ready ard 10 plus...so im blogging 4 a short while onli..so xcited.so scared..so nervous...mixed feelings u n0e

so anyways...d past..well..i still cant 4 get d date 13 of june...haha...first meet wif him..tout was juz meeting a fren..dat 1st meet lead to 2 other meets n much more close r/ship... tout he wudnt lyk me n reallie treat me as a fren...on d 26 of june..during public concert..haiz...cud i sigh even more..tt was d most wonderful dae of my lyf...my bad memories of tt dae was completely washed off..hehe....it was d date dat we were officially together...wee...but it wasnt as romantic as sum others might be..mine is juz a simple questn tt was typed in d create msg box on his hp..n given to me to read while we were in d train dat was packed wif ppl n my frens bsyd me...hehe..was kinda touched tt at least he asked me in frt of me..heheh...so0o...frm dat dae onward we were together still...till nw...
is sunday wud b our 5th anniversary...hope we r able to clebrate it...hehe...niwaez..nid to go nw...

update more later..2mr aites..hopefully..haha...

weeoowza

2006-09-29T23:23:00.000-07:00

dun ask me wads d mening of d title..hahah...niwaez,tis few days were gr8..well,on mon had my last paper...was a killer...nyahahahahaha....den tues was d 26...it was our 3rd mth together...wee...hehe...d sec 4s so took photos wif our graduation gowns...hhe...so0o proud to wear it...nyhhh....

kae2...tis wk spend a whole ot of my tym wif aidil....hehee...d gals n i r getting more stress n scared n oso sd...nixed feeling...we r gona leave sch,take our exam which is rd d corner n nt see each other again...boo hoo...nyahahaha....its ok..probabbly gonna keep contact still....

niwae...luv everyone....muakzzz.....

quizes

2006-09-26T18:25:00.001-07:00

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as strong willed and stubborn.
Overall, your true self is passionate and physical.
With friends, you seem dramatic, lively, and quick to react.
In love, you seem mysterious and interesting.
In stressful situations, you seem selfish and moody.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

You Are 47% Vain

You're a little vain, but more than anything you have a healthy amount of confidence.Thinking the world of yourself is great. Just don't think less of those who aren't as pretty as you!

How Vain Are You?

You Are Iris

You are an interesting blend of fun and wisdom.You definitely make people think about themselves and their place in the world.But they'll have fun doing it. You definitely epitomize laughter therapy.You are a very enriching and entertaining friend!

What Color Purple Are You?

You Are More Mild Than Wild

You're confident, and you really aren't concerned with how "hot" you are.Other people's ideas of what's sexy don't concern you. And this is exactly what makes you attractive.

Are You Hot?

Slow and Steady

Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy.
They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder.
It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment.
They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it.

How Do People See You?

You Are 60% Boyish and 40% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch.Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes.You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them.You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

You Are 56% Control Freak

Generally, you are in control but not a control freak. You life is usually in order.However, sometimes you get too obsessed with making everything in your life picture perfect.

Are You A Control Freak?

You Are An ESFJ

The Caregiver
You are sympathetic and caring, putting friends and family first.A creature of habit, you prefer routines and have trouble with change.You love being in groups - whether you're helping people or working on a project.You are good at listening, laughing, and bringing out the best in people.
You would make a great nurse, social worker, or teacher.

What's" Your Personality Type?

You Give Good Advice ... Sometimes

When it comes to advice, you usually have something helpful to contribute.However, there's been times when your advice was a bit wacky!No matter what, though, your heart is always in the right place.

Do You Give Good Advice?

Guys Like That You're Fun

You're the type of girl guys brag about knowingThat's because you're cool, funny, and laid backYou're smart enough to know how to be one of the guysBut flirty enough to know how to make them all want you

What Do Guys Like About You?

You Are A Professional Girlfriend!

You are the perfect girlfriend - big surprise!Heaven knows you've had enough practice. That's why you're a total pro.If there was an Emily Post of girlfriends, it would be you.You know how to act in every situation ... to make both you and your guy happy.

What Kind of Girlfriend Are You?

Your Ideal Hairstyle:

Sexy Waves

What Hairstyle Is Right For You?

You Are 24% Girly

You are a pretty hardcore tomboy, and a very free spirit.Gender roles be dammed, you like to do things your way.

How Girly Are You?

You Are a Coy Flirt!

You're not so much a flirt as the type of girl who draws flirts inWhile you look like you're just relaxing, secretly you've got your game onA little look here, a little wink there... you give men the encouragement they craveAnd in return, they flirt up a storm with you - while you just sit and smile

What Kind of Flirt Are You?

You Are a Natural Beauty!

You're the kind of beauty that every guy dreams about...One that looks good in the morning - without a stich of makeupThat's doesn't mean you're a total hippie chic thoughYou have style, but for you, style is effortless

What Type of Beauty Are You?

You Are a Normal Girl

You are 50% Good and 50% BadSure you've pulled some bad girl stunts in your past.But these days, you're (mostly) a good girl.

Are You a Good Girl or a Bad Girl?

Your Flirt Quotient

You are 27% Flirt

How Much of a Flirt Are You?

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice themYou take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be pickyYou aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounterIt may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

How Do Men See You?

You Are Boyish Sexy

You're the kind of girl who gets along with all the boysWhether it's holding your own in a game of touch football...Or kicking some major butt while playing Xbox.You hang with the guys easily, while still keeping your girly sexiness.

What Kind of Sexy Are You?

wee

2006-09-22T20:06:00.000-07:00

weee..
hahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaahahahahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

im crazy..yadayadaya...tis wk was prelim...kinda tired..nt enuf sleep...

niwaez,my family accepted aidil..wee...hehe..they lyk him as well..hehe...well, his nieces r staying at my house nw...taking care of dem..hehe...the 1st one,maria is a handful..hehe..but she's darn cute n super clever 4 her age..she's 2 plus goin 3..n she noes hw to eat fruits n ride the tricycle...haha...cutey she is..

prelim...well..ok lah..maths paper abit tough..lit..dun even mention...my hand was aching wen i was doin lit paper 2....ss was ok...hist pretty well..even predicted d right question..haha....physics...nth to comment...chem im kinda dead...poa..still breathing...eng...can can...

next wk..gonna do alot of mugging i guess....haiz..hav to get back on track....niwaez, i hav to aim 4 d bez...promise evrieone n i wont want to dissapoint anione

haiz...

2006-09-08T20:27:00.000-07:00

haiz..b4 aniting..a msg 4 sum1..

to tt person.: well, im sry 4 evryting..well im nt sure wad i did wrg ..maeb u juz felt tt i lied to u..but d fact tt u told me nt to wait..so i took it literally n i tout tt u dun even giv a damn bout d agreement wif ur actions towards me...it kinda hurts..especially wen i needed sum1..u werent der anymore lyk u use to b..i tout u had changed n found sum1 better n wanted to juz b frens forever..i accept it n moved on...tt is d reason y i took sum1 into my lyf nw..ive neva known hw u felt towards me..i neva knew wad u were tinkin n whether u regard me as only a fren or more than tt...i juz dcide tt u juz want to b frens wen u start to nt contact me as usual...
seriouzly,its all bcos tt i didnt noe hw u feel n wad u tink..tt is d reason y i made d dcision to accept sum1 else in my lyf..sum1 hu shows he lyks n luv me..i cant go on living in cloud nine n keep tinking tt u lyk me more than frens or aniting..it wud juz hurt so0o much if it was d opposite..i cant live in d world tt i wudnt n0e tt wud exist..i want assured well by u...if u feel u were betrayed or i lied or aniting..den accept my apology..move on n find soum1 new..sum1 hu dserves u..sum1 hu is better than sum1 hu is lyk me...

kae2..i n0e ive nt been blogging...been super bz...niwaes..prelims r lyk in 3 daes..im dead..haha..hav nt started revising...but will so0on..niwaez,todae....wen t to fyza's home...den to mie's sum stuffs happen..i juz hope tt all of d tings tt happen wont affect us in our studies...

niwaes..yest went to chalet..haha..fun fun fun...nizal n arep were super duper crap...nizal keeps eavesdropping on us...den went to sch by mrt todae wif sottb n dil...haha...so0o slacky us..were darn tired..n frankenstein sat bsyd syiqah
kwkakakak....

update more another dae.....adiosa...

sumtyms tings tt happened is against our will...
we juz had to do wad we did..
its nth but 4 our own good
sumtyms it turn out to b the best 4 us...

wee..

2006-08-25T20:17:00.000-07:00

hehe...im so0o happy todae...weee....niwaes..today was supposed to b a half day..but thx to ms L..we went home as per normal....

so0 todae had pe..played touch rugby..wee..was d dfender bcos lazy to run..nyahahaha...so had to cahse ppl n tapped dem...had fun..haha...fyza oso had gr8t tym running after d ball n tapping ppl..in d midst of tapping she tapped azman's ear instead..nyahhaha...n i sort of bumped knee to knee wif him..it kinda hurts...but was ok to continue playing xcept 4 occasional stinging pain n my whole leg feels tired..but it was fun...den had lit..ok lah..ms L scolded a few ppl..she even made zana cry...haiyo...she grilled us lyk hell to tink deeply n read bwn n beyond d lines..luckily wen it was my tunr to present it was ok..haha...so she kept us back until 12.40..haiyo...den rush home to change n went to civics wif d gals..haha..met wif aidil...wee...
so0o went to lib to study poa...syiq n fyza was eatin rather than studying..haha...den walk ard at cwp..had lotsa fun at kiddy palace..hehe...n aidil gt me a cute magenta bear..hehe..4 our 2nd anni..wee...actuali he wanted to buy me baby bop..but i told him it was too xpensive but he insisted on buyin it.finally..he gave in n bought me dat cute ttiny bear..hehe...he's so0o sweet..nyahaha...so0o met up wif irman..dat mat rep...wkakaka..cudnt stop laughing..his face is damn funny..nt being bad or niting..juz tt it was hilarious reallie...hahaah...den wnet back to lot 1...went to eat at ljs...met atiqah..haha..long tym since i saw her..haha..she's still as pretty as ever..hehe...so den shared d meal wif sammie which aidil paid 4..haha...den went back home took 300...shucks..bad luck..met my mom..she saw u...luckily she did nt scold...nyahahahaha...she was cool wif it..hope she wont tell my aunt..shsssshh...its a secret...wkakakak....

so0o nw im gonna start revising n doin my tuition hw...bye to all..thx 4 reminding..nyahahaha

lame-o

2006-08-24T19:10:00.000-07:00

kae2..so0o todae n yest...haiz...was damn tired....slept in sch during free period...i hav no idea y...yest slept during mly lesson wen im suppose to b revising another subject...todae..slept during recess...haiyo..dunnoe y...

kae2 so0o backtrack to tues...nth much..juz tt aidil took me home...hehe...so0o as normal walk ard lot 1 for awhile den walked back home..oh yarh..i wish tt he wud cut his hair into his mohawk hairstyle...haha..no its still d same xcept tt its long oredi so he is lazy to do his hair..hiyo...sucha lazy bum..nyahahaha...niwaez..he keep reminding me tt he is gg 4 his ns tis dec...boo hoo...so0o bad...haha....btw,d class upsets ms L again..but wad d crap..i dun care...its her choice to do wadeva she wants..d class is lyk f****d up wif her...

so0o as 4 yest....nth much...juz had normal lesson xcept tt ms L didnt come...class was ok...did poa...onlie some necessary n unnecessary noises..normal uh..byron is neva known to b quiet....kae..den gg home tym...went to eat at mcds wif fyza....den mie,yuni khai came..nyaahha..they helped to finish our twister fries...wkakaka...was so0o fulled...so0o walked one round at level 1 den went to send fyza to her lane..den walked back to 300 lane..by tt tym d queue was long...n mie n i had to stand out of d queue...tt is wen we saw put..haiyo...i tink its her lah.looks exatcly lyk her..niwaes.."put" she was wif her guy i tink...s0o...tt gal saw me n quickly pulled her guy towards her n den sort of rolled her eyes. towards me..wad the..nvm...i was quite cool at tt tym..but d way she looks at me...wahliao wei..as if i did sumting wrg...niwaez..wen 300 came...was walking in d lane..n directly opposite of her...saw me n put her hand on her guy's shoulder while smirking at me...wadeva..as if i care...i dun even bear any grudge against her...mie was getting irritated as well....so0o den took had to stand as der is alot of ppl..n wen d bus moved,saw "put" staring at us...wadeva lah eh...its nt u hu i bore grudge upon...its ain...n i hav also 4given her cos seriouzly..i dun ebven hav any feelings 4 him animore...memories yes..feelings no...wake up lah gal...haiyo...stop acting as if i did wrg to u or wadeva...

as 4 todae...nth much..ms L didnt come again...haha...d boys at d back was crazy..haha..they sang national day songs n even videoed it..haha..we had fun...den after sch..walk ard at lot..den accompanied fyza ate her choc sun...den went back home..ahaha...

well..2mr sch halfdae..but hav EH diagnostic test...4 half an hour i tink..nt sure...den maeb gg to study at civics..long tym since i went der..ahah...oh yarh..i hope i cant mit aidil as well...nt sure....haiz...

well...tues having poa...wish me gd luck...haiz....

lyf is reallie mysterious..sumtyms u juz dunn0e wad wud happen...n being me is reallie tough...haiz...sumtyms i juz wish tt i am nt born d way i am..lookwise n attitude wise...seriouzly..sumtyms i juz feel tt i want to b invisible in dis werld...invisible to guys out der...invisible to others xcept 4 my frens n family....

yadayayd

2006-08-22T21:15:00.000-07:00

kae..to all....1st of all..im bored n im disturbed..well...im taking a brk frm my lit hmwk...haiz...so0o tired tis few daes..i hav no idea y...

niwaez...tym flew by so0o fast...aug goin to end.tis sat is 2 mths...sept is prelim...warghh!!!!!!! im dead...my revision is lyk onlie hafway tru...i nid more tym but i cant haf it...haiyoyo..den oct one last mth 4 me to do last minute revision..den nov...wahliao...so0o fast..haiyo....kae2...i tink i reallie hav to start studying but im juz so0o disturbed by all d events dat is happening haiyo...

well..seriouzly...no one noes wad im feeling deep insyd..realli..i rarely show it...but seriouzly...im stressed up, feeling down..i feel lyk giving up..n even suicide..haiyo..dunn0e..lah...

update more 2mr or weneva im free...dat freak coming over to hav dinner..as if he doesnt hav a house or money to buy food...

blahahaha

2006-08-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

hmm...hey to all...updating 4 tis whole wk...

mon..nth much...had oral...yikes..i tink i did ok...xcept 4 d conv part...haiyo..i hav no idea if i spoke in grammatical eng..hope i did fine....
tues..hmmm...cant reallie rmember wad happen...oh yarh...it was raining...wen home wif sammie..d rest had oral..hehe..met aidil..den went back home...well,overall it was as per normal...
wed..had poa...mr selvam didnt came into class..so we did our poa practice paper tt he gave...managed to do it but der was still mistake though..hehe...but had fun..den went back wif d gang....
thurs...had pe...was told to run 1 warm up...it was ok..my ankle cud handle it...but den mr ralph gav us punishment of 3 rounds...wahliao.. my ankle went haywire by the 2nd round...cudnt take it anymore...it was in pain..haiyo...den they played rugby..sat back to watch..boo hoo didnt get to play..nvm..next wk able to..hehe...btw..i miss playing soccer..been sucha long tym since i played it..haiyo..maeb during the hols ill play..hehe...
todae....was ok..had both ss and eh...was wee...fun...hehe...so0o funny..mr brian..he is such a comedian..nyahahah....den had retest for fa..haiyo..did ok gt 20 out of 30..haha..quite bad actuali as im a comp team member...haha....but at least its over 18.....den went back home..tts all...

soo as 4 2mr..will b gg to kampg jawa to buy cloth 4 my baju raya..nyahah..maeb getting a diff color...nt sure..or shall i juz stick to purple?? nt sure lah.....
sun havin tuition
3 hrs
boo hoo...maths n eng..haiyo....boring..i can sleep i tink...

niwaez....so0o proud of byron nw...i can feel we r movig.heheh...oh yarh..i reallie hav to push myself to start my revision haioy...hope i cud get anhy form of motivation frm lyk i dunnoe...anione????? haha..haiyoo...

to all: even if der r stuffs tt is bothering u guys..juz rmember tt im ard...i wud help anione hu is in nid....gladly to lend a listening ear..im free....so0o feel free to talk to me aite....hehe....

even though i may seem happy n laughing all d tym...sumtyms it juz dun seem to b tt way..der r juz sum stuff tt i might b keeping....all tt i can say is..in tis werld,nth seems to b as it is...

tada tum..

2006-08-11T21:00:00.000-07:00

heyya...i noe ive nt been updating...

niwaez..gt mt result todae..onlie gt a2....wad the...boo hoo...so nt satisfied..i wnat more den tt..shud i retake????? nt sure..haiyoyo..maeb i shud...i dunnoe....hmm...niwaez..i hav to cncentrate my otha subjects..especially my eng n humans...dropping lyk hell..hmm..maeb i shud seize my daily routine..n do a new routine lyk studyin....

no more outing fer me....sacrificing all my tym 4 studires...haiyoyo....
pity aidil though..hav to wait lyk 3 more mths den can go out togetha as in on a real date..haha....nvm..he is willing to sacrifice..he noes dat my priority is studying...

kae2..so nid to get a new timetable n nid to follow it thoroughly..n nid to fynd a way to get my self intrested in studying...

wish me luck evrieone...

ho hum...

2006-08-03T17:40:00.000-07:00

i hav no i deaa wad ho hum means...anyone does?????? haha...lame....so..niwaez...i noe ive nt been blogging..juz plain lazy..so0o anyways..tis few wks..alot hd happen...

our tcher walked out of us again....shall i say it...AGAIN!!!!!...haiz....childish...i noe we r wrg but she shud at least stay wif us...i mean we cud change 4 d betta....haiz....

so0o anyways...alot of tchers had given up.....haiz...wads gonna happen to my studies...i nid help...real help...any one hu is angelic enuf to help me wif my studies....haiz...

niwaez,todae is aidil's bdae...spend tym wif him yest...hehe....bought him a cuff..he luv it..wee...im so0o happy tt he luv it.....hehe..hope to mit him so0on...maeb calling him aftawards..haha...

so0o...mie's prob settled hopefully..hehe..wishing her all d bez in evriting...supporting her til d end.....wee....iza....sick todae...hahah...hope she gets well soon.....nadie...sumting seems to b bothering her..maeb our class or maeb ehem,....u noe hu...shall nt sae it...
as 4 me..im doing gr8t....neva been betta...happy wif aidil nw....hehe...so0o far o quarrels juz a short squabbles due to our stubbornness....hehe...but we r gg on fine......

niwaez...up dating more in tym to come i gues...bye...

luv is nt such a bad ting n it wud b gr8t if u cud find d right one 4 urself...choose wisely...
dspite all probs or mishaps dat had happen..maeb ders sumting gd bhind it..juz wait patiently..relax..n work hard..to achieve tt greatness tt is in disguise bhind evriting...

haiz....

2006-07-18T06:59:00.000-07:00

haiz....i noe its been such a long tym since i blogged...well,lets start on a gd note....i guess im coping well nw...able to pull myself together....able to trust others...able to relate well wif others neven treasure those ard me...well..guess im gd.....evryting is fyn bwn me n u noe hu.....

well, nw im starting to get more irritated easily...i hav no idea y...tried to ctrl it...however its quite difficult....haiz....sumtyms...to keep myself frm nt blowing my top,i had to keep quiet..i mean reallie2 keep quiet n ignore my surrounding....i noe ders sumting bothering my mind..but i hav no idea wad it is...n im try ing hard to figure it out or juz tell sum1 but i cant...haiz..it isnt d same nw...miss my sec 2 life..whereby i had sum1 to pour out all my probs...tt person wud juz hear me out n support me....even though nw i hav tt sum1....yet..it still isnt d same though...i cant find myself talking seriouz tings wif him or even pouring out my secrets too him....did i juz did a wrg move again?? or am i still clinging onto d past..onto my first love?? haiz..im nt sure...prelim is in 2 mths tym..i hav to get all tis settled by the end of tis mth..haiz...i reallie hav to try hard.....

oh yarh..im werrid bout arn..he's drinking again nw....i miss him...i miss d him tt i knew frm the beginning...he usually wont get reallie drunk after drinking...i dun even noe hw he cud b reallie drunk d other tym..im reallie werrid sick but i cant even talk to him...he juz talk abit n tts it..haiz...

kae lah....niwaez...todae..played touch rugby during pe...a confusing game..haha...we were new to it..but i guess in wks to come we'll b quite gd..oh yarh...fareez fell twice during d game...d gals had lotsa laugh during it....so..todae..as per normal....tts all....

missing evrieone...

hmmmz

2006-07-15T20:20:00.000-07:00

heyho...yes im hyper..as normal..hehe....so yest...had normal lessons..was rather bored during ss...but managed to pay attention...felt restless d whole dae... zaf n i juz realize sumting...ms lee luv to call me tis few daes...bad luck sia..haha...so0o miwaez..zaf is my new partner tis term..n d class is getting reallie noisy wif us sitting together...duh....we wud juz laugh at d slightest ting....even during math...we laughed out loud cos we did stretch instead of shear....i hav no idea wad was so0o funny but we juz laughed..weird us....been wif zaf 4 4 yrs...my whole sec lyf wif her...hmm...nurul,qing zhou,lawson...hmmm hu else..i tink onlie dem...dfrm sec 1 to nw..hehe...

kae2..so0o todae....went to yew tee..suppose to meet aidil 4 awhile but he was late so0o had to go 1st cos my mum was in a rush....den went to chinatown...den to bugis...den to dhoby ghaut..my ankle were reallie in pain by tt tym...den went back...took mrt...hate it...it was crowded had to stand,...i felt tt i was gg to juz fall n unable to stand up again...my ankle's cudnt take it anymore...luckily reachkhatib had a sit...sat down n relaxed my leg....den walked at lot 1 4 awhile...den went back home....im dead tired....

2mr havin tuition..haiyo..4 3 hrs...boo hoo..nvm..juz endure.....

niwaez, we r doin well...so0o far no quarrel....neva ever gotten reallie angry wif each other....i guess...we r doin fyn...but i feel tt d daes r passing by very slowly....very very slow...cos it seems lyk more den a mth..but its nt even a mth yet...hmm..maeb sumting wrg wif me..haha....well,im happy wif d way i am..wif all of dem by myside....trying nt to get stress up..cos its reallie bad wen im stressed up...well, yest i blew my top...but nt thoroughly..juz tt i gt reallie iritated quickly..dunnoe lah y..maeb stressed up..hav to ctrl my anger again...haiyo...

wish me all d bez kae evrieone.....hehe...

wad the....

2006-07-08T10:14:00.000-07:00

kae2 fyn...im nt sure y...sumtyms adults r so0o unpredictable.....haiyo...at 1st say tis...den say tt.....wad the...haiyoyo...i oso dunnoe...but i guess i shud grab the chance b4 its too late....it was reallie lucky i guess..she allows me to go 4 d comp....wee...but still im scared 4 d comp..well,we juz hav to do d bez dat we can....

btw...our team reallie create trouble 4 d officers...haiz....but i hope evriting wud b settled by then.....hopefully...by 2mr.....haiz.....

update more next wk....adios...

my life is taking its turn nw..im becoming more focused n i feel tt im able to make it tru...im gg to strive hard....juz lyk d sch motto..to strive and nt to yield.....
btw,read tis poster tingy on d entrepenuer rm door..it says sumting on positive minds n tt wif a positive n relax mind we r able to do our best...n if we tink dat we r able to do it..we will do it at our best n nt our worst....

i hav no idea y muz it b lyk tis

2006-07-06T18:48:00.000-07:00

haiz......yarh i noe i shud b studying 4 my hist test 2mr...but i guess a lil tym to blogged wudnt hurt...aniwaez...kinda down now....he's nt speaking to me...worst still he acts very cold to me..maeb its juz my imagination..but,y muz he do tis again..haiz...he kept doin the same tings over n over again.... d same tings tt make my precious clear water frm my eyes to roll down my chubby cheeks....haiz.....i dun even noe y im so0o generous wif my tears to him wen all he does is to make me werry n werry..especially wen our frenship was on d line..haiz....

niwaez,tried talking to him again todae..no luck....juz merely asked me what...n silence..haiyo.....dunnoe lah.....but actuali ive had enuf of it....sumtyms i feel tt wad sammie says is true...it doesnt help to b nice n to werry over tings or ppl dat juz wont care bout hw u feel.....
haiz...dunoe lah..maeb its true maeb its nt.....haiyoyo...

so...as todae..byron was super hyper..including me..i was kinda noisy n i hav no idea y....den normal lessons...during physics,juz answered d questions tt mr tan answered...wowza, cud answer moz of d qn...

update more 2mr i guess

i want to cry

2006-07-04T17:11:00.000-07:00

haiz....its july oredi...haiyo...3 mths to o's..im dead..haha...nolah..actuali im nt.....juz nid to revise well tts all...xcept tt i still haven start revising..nyahhhaa...i noe tt my mtahs is on its way....got b4 d other tym..im aiming 4 sumting higher....hope i can make it..i noe i can..hehe...i juz hav to blieve in myself...myeng..i juz hav to put in a lot of effort in it...comb humans..i nid to memorize d details of each topics n ill b fyn....mly is over...left wif listeing compre..hope i ace d whole exam...wudnt want to take 4 d 2nd tym...so0o...my poa....guess nid to practice more n grasp on its format...comb sci..juz nid to memorize 4 my chem n restudy my physics....lit..doin ok in it...i shud b able to score enuf to get a gd grade...hopefully...

oh yarh..todae...p.e...tried running again...after my 1st round i was ok..was starting my 2nd round wen my ankle hurts again..luckily umai was der...haiyo..dunnoe lah...d gals says tt it was swelling....haiyoyo..but after awhile it was ok afta tt juz frequent stinging pain...btw,sry gals dat i wudnt go to d doc..juz tt ive gt my own rson to y i dun go...

kae2...so0o my personal life nw...well,i guess im doing fyn..wif all of dem by my side...xcept tt kinda sad though..he is nt talking to me tt much nw...haiz....dunnoe lah..maeb he feels tt it is wrg 4 me to get close to others..haiz...but hw long am i suupose to live lyk tt,,,,nt tt im eager or desperate to b close wif other ppl juz tt i nid my space ryte..my space to hav my own circle of frens...my freedom of close frens..haiyoo.....dunnoe lah

to arn:hey...sry....reallie...if u r angry wif me or aniting..im nt sure y im sayin sry actuali..but i juz feel tt u r angry wif me...nt sure...but i reallie hope u wud talk to me again....lyk we normally do.....plz plz plz.....im reallie sry if i hurt u or aniting..i reallie dunnoe y u r acting lyk tis towards me.....plz dun brk our frenship

my life is a never ending hardship..ive gt no sweet memories of my childhood..nt tt i can tink of....hmm...n my teenage life is full of probs...hu doesnt...tis is wad u call teenage yrs...as 4 me to put it in a phrase...its bitter yet sweet..oxymoron of my lyf...bitter sweet...

haiz

2006-06-25T18:54:00.000-07:00

d last dae of sch hols..im blogging tdae...cos im bored n im scared....my hw is still unfinished....half of it nt done....haiz..but hu cares...the worst is get scolding n out of d class...bad me..n prelims r 2 mths away...haiz

so0o niwaez im nt ready 4 sch 2mr..but im ready 4 pc 2mr...hehe...dats d onle ting im looking 4ward 4..haha...gonna b a blast camwhoring wif d gals..hehe..obviously..n i hope i cud take pics wif u noe hu...haha...cant wait..all of us r gg to b so0o classy so0o ladylike..hehe

kae kae...so0o im reallie getting close to aidil nw...hmm...lyk being frens wif himm...well..the others lyk being his frens too..hehe..yarh..at lest evrione can get along well ryte..

im gonna study hard n smart nw...hav to start its goin to b july..n i hav nt start revising..sum1 plz force me to do so0o..haah...i guess i hav to force myself..n i will...

im reallie gonna try my best 4 my o's...

haiyoyoyoyyoyoyoyo

2006-06-21T21:57:00.000-07:00

im doomed..im dead..hahahaa...kae2 shoot me down..i noe ive nt been updating..sry but im juz so0o lazy..yarh..might as well shut tis blog down ryte....haha..a huge no no of course...me shutting down my blog..haha..maeb ..soon..hhahaa..jk jk...

kae2...so0o tis wk...nth much...on fri had seminar...duh....met up wif aidil...wif d gals as well..didnt ate lyk the whole afternn n nite....had an upset stomache...den went home..ahah..next dae..went to cwp..watch silent hill wif aidil n accompanied my sis while she was doin her pw....den went to al ameen had dinner...wee..xcept tt i didnt eat..was full after the ljs fish wrap tt he paid 4...

so0oo sun nth.....

mon...grandma wanted to eat mcds...so0o went to lot to buy 4 her..met up wif aidil again..he offered to accompany me..awww...so0o sweet ryte..was touched...ahhaa..abit lah...kae2...den walked home...ate my meal..den surf net dats all...

tues...went to cwp again..den sembawang..searched 4 my outfit 4 pc...well found it..but i tink all my frens wud b shocked to c me in it.it wud b so0o girlish n classy..wakkaka..u wont blieve tt it is me...reallie...haha..a totally diff me..

wed...which is todae..hav eng class..ms lee sent 3/4 of the class home due to nt bringing of werk n wad she asked us to...haiyoyoyo...den she dragged d class..which made aidil to miss his hotcakes...again...haha...kae2 den off to yew te..met wif umai's guy 4 d 1st tym...OMG!!!!wad the hell umai wad had gotten into u..y so0o matrep..haahaha...kae2...den ate at mcd...fyza n izaan joined us again....so0o i went down to my usual ting..teasing izaan n fyza..hehe..im so0o sry izaan..cant help it...oh yarh..found myself a few husband..thx to aidil..n i oso found him a wife..haha...wif children as well..wowza..complete family..hahaha...so den mit up wif my sis at lots lib wif farihin small....btw farihin ate 2 ice cream..wowza..alot...den went back home...
me n aidil saw police at my eighbouring blk..n we tout it was a simple case..but it turn out to b seriouz cos der was even the police tent..ouz..i hav no idea wad it is about...haha..kpo me..bzbody as owaez...

den todae had my 1st teaching lesson wif a 5 yr old boy..gotta teach him evriedae..he's cutelah...my aunt says he is reallie lyk me wen i was small..lazy to study..haha...but manage to teach him hw to spell...he gt 3 werds todae...sun..car... apple..hehe...maeb he wud progress even more in tym to come..hehe...

kae2 so juz realizes sumting...prelims r 2 mths away..n i hav nt start revising..i ju don hav the drive to do so...i need motivation ppl...motivation..haha..well..i guess im nt stressed enuf tts y im nt forcing myself to study..maeb i shud try hard enuf..hmm...well, all d best 4 me aites..n my besties too...

my heart might b half open..but i still am nt able to trust any of dem..so0o sry..i reallie nid su1 hu can reallie convinced me to blieve in dem again..so0o sry..i juz want a criouz one...

why is everything coming back again????!!!!!!

2006-06-14T01:55:00.000-07:00

kae..nw im gonna blogged on wad had happen on 10 of june...in conjunction wif d police carnival..it was d two np's couple 7 mth....haha..so0o0o swit sey...sammie n i envied dem so0o much tt we were quite feeling down after tt..haha...but it was ok...we still had our fun...being our crazy self..duh....

mie....ko ingat yg matrep bagi salam???????? wkakakaka...aku dah nk terkekek siot..matrep alim rupenye...haha.....aku nk terktawe je sak d moment die kasi slm...wkkakkaka...kae2 chill........matrep dah maju......

my legs were in pain by the tym i reach home...was walking d whole dae.....oh yarh sammie n iza gt free leg bath...wkakak..bandung n longan drink on pants....cool werk of wet n wind art.....wjajajajajaja......lets do it again....haha...

sun went to sammie's crib...ate der...yummy.....den lyf goes on..

btw...as 4 todae...feeling rather miserable.....

aidil contact me again ..he's having a low period nw...so im here to help him..haiz..hope i can do a gd job
as for arn..he's havin sum muscles problems...hope he is ok......

--------------hate dem loads------------------

2006-06-12T16:57:00.000-07:00

yes i hate dem....hu?????? guys...nt being feminist here or anyting.....its juz an opinion 4 me..y??????? as all gals wud noe y wud a gal hate guys out of a sudden......to me...they cant b trusted...yes,a guy wud say they r nt lyk the other guys hu r nt trustworthy n hu r playboys..but actuali..all of dem r juz d same...haiz..dunnoe y lah.......

gonna b a little ironic here...i will still b frens wif dem even though i hate dem..juz frens.....nt more den tt until sum1 convince me ttguys r nt all tt......i shall say dat all tt had happen made me lyk tis...n wad had happen to my frens n other gals...haiz...pity dem so0o much.....

ive been tinkin....y does guys wants their gal to b faithful to dem n nt find other guys...but they themselves r nt faithful towards the gal....doesnt guys get it tt gals wud reallie giv their whole heart wen they realie luv sum1.....wen will they ever understand...wen will they ever treat gals well......sumtyms i wonder.....y muz gals b seen as the weaker sex...enuf of all tis....

to tt person...:: wen will u ever change.... i hope u wud nw....wif tt new gal..i reallie hope u wud change....stop hurtin any more gals pls......u've hurt alot of gals...

btw....happy bda to sammie my dear.....

stupid dae...

2006-06-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

bad luck..bad dae....shitty day.....wargh....hw hw hw...im trying to control my tears damn hard juz nw...luckily did nt burst out...haha...but im ok actuali....met my ex...nt on purpose...he didnt c me...he was wif his new gal..oklah.....niwaez,im nt sure y..but i find him super skinny...skinnier then he was.....kae enuf bout all those..i hav a newsflash!!! d mly boys in my class r such a pervert!!! reallie bunch of freaks..pervert freaks....xcept 4 anwar n azman n ahirul...d rest r juz perverts......hate dem...but im still frens hahaha

niwaez,gonna go out 2mr...wee....im tinkin of meeting him too...hw bout tt??? a gd idea?????im nt sure..lets hope he is free...haha..gg wif d sottb plus izaan to the police carnival..gonna hav tons of fun....but i hav no idea wad to wear..hw??!!!!!!!!

btw...if u guys r wondering hu is d him..let me juz sae he is a close fren of mine dats all....we hav no other relations..dun get it wrg.......

1st eng poem tt i wrote...its based on the lit text dat im doin..a chapter of it..

As i gazed upon the dull sky
my mind began to fly
i tried to hold back my tears
despite my heart being peirced

my fear of losing you came true
when that murdere came out of the blue
the sufferings were like immune killers
eating you up through its feelers

As i look up at the gloomy moonlight
my heart began to sigh
the painful memories are hard to pass by
but i fight it without a cry

my throne of blood shatters
upon seeing you becoming ashes
like a stone i stod watching
controlling my emotions which are weakening...

tis is actuali onlie a draft of d poem..still need to improve on it....i hope u guys wud comment on it so tt im able to improve on it to make it a better masterpiece....

boo hoo

2006-06-08T21:45:00.000-07:00

todae..had lesson.den rush back home den go out again to watch movie...iza,syiq n izaan..lastly..izaan n iza is d onlie one watching...me n syiq walk ard...we were lyk bad gals..wkaakaka.....so den ate at lets eat...dats all....

btw...he is online....but didnt talk much..merely ask qn here n der....he ask me wads wrg....den tried to cheer me up....dats all....wen i ask him a qn....he wud ans..n dats it......haiz....it kinda hurtswen it is lyk dat...i dunnoe wads happening to us....we use to b able to talke nn stop....but nw...haiz..onlie qna...dats all.....wadeva it is..i woudnt want our frenship to come to an end..i cant let it end....d frenship reallie means alot....he is equal to my frenship wif the sottb gals n sistaz.....haiz..but i cant do aniting...lets juz hope i wud b strg enuf to cope wif tis....

mood for todae: down...reallie down...

wowza

2006-06-07T18:20:00.000-07:00

haiz.......stupid me....hw stupid can i get....i ead all old entries yest...nw all memories r coming back...arghh!! wad to do...haiz....all d moment tt i was wif him....d moments tt i was wif him n my frens...its juz too deep...d memories r too deep.....miss him alot.....haha...hu wudnt wen u r close to sum1....especally wen u sort of dpend on d person to make u happy n make ur dae...haiz....

the gals wud noe hu i am talking about..yarh i noe we r juz frens...but the tyms tt we spent together as in d whole grp....was reallie alot of fun....rmember the town incident ting..wen u gals meet him 4 d 1st tym???? haha....syiqah...ljs nye incident...rmember????i cant 4get bout evrie single ting...haiz....

kae..sooo 2nd wk of holidaes....sch as per normal..todae gt scolding by ms lee...juz bcos of coloured shoes...majority of d class gt scolded...it started of wif hercatchin 3 gals wif tinted hair....tat lead to the attire spotcheck...haiz...bad dae....

niwaez...2mro havin class again..den gg to watch she's the man..gg wif fyza n izaan..im alone...haiz...lighjtbulb sey..if onlie i can ask him out ryte.....i noe i cant...ders juz no way of contacting him n asking him...i guess lightbulb pon lightbulb lah...haha...

i still have nt start revising..will do it soon...haiz.....

ESTATIC.PATHETIC.PSYCHOTIC.SARCASTIC.AFTERALL ITS GENETIC.

boring day....

2006-06-03T22:52:00.000-07:00

ug camp fucking boring....reallie....damn boring...nth much.......all were cancelled...no discipline no nth....

highlights of d camp....d 'cute' clt.....he's short tt y his cute...according to my opinion..but to others he is cute look wise....but he's cquite full of himself..haha.....nadiah says tt he tinks he is a hot chick..wkakaak...i agree...anione wan his no.???????? wkakaakak.....

fadly,fadil n hafiz came..they entertained us...fun...wee....obviously....

tt were the onlie highlights lorh.....nth much...boring?????? yup...i agree.....

anyways......im kin of bopred nw..so im typing an aimless entry here...i hav no idea wad to write....btw...havnt went out wif my frens....haiz..i dun tink ill hav tym....so0o many lessns...boo hoo......

missing evrieone....adios....

happy bdae nadie....
happy bdae zira...

back....

2006-05-31T17:15:00.000-07:00

kae i noe its been a long tym since i blogged...my monitor crashed tts y..hhaa...so nw gt a new monitor....

so0o my lyf is ok......normal..xcept tt my results r gg down d drain....but i manage to pull up my maths by 2 grades....so0o nw hav to werk hard...o levels in 5 mths tym....

well,im getting more n more closer to the gals...syiqah,iza,sammie,nad n so0o on......
get to mit dem 4 almost evrieday during tis holidae.....miss dem still...haha...but i still haven c tt one person...the one tt is quite close to me..haiz....dunnoelah..maeb one dae lah...nt sure.....

niwaez..hate tt L werd...lyk duh......ppl keep getting hurt bcos of it......maeb i wudnt trust the B ppl as well.....keep lying....y cant they juz stick to 1?????? isit tt impossible??? haiz...wads wrg wid ppl nowadays...cant keep to 1......haiyoyo....i guess no L 4 me...until im reallie ready......
sry ppl....

to iza: sry gal.....i noe i had promised u to keep an open heart...but i juz cant...im reallie reallie sry.....reallie....

to syiqah: gal...choose wisely.....make the right dcision...aniwaes...we r still young rmember tt....

to mie: my dear, juz rmember tt im owaes here...all of us.....we wudnt want to c u get fed up bcos of him. B ppl r owaes lyk dat...dun werry kae...as i owaes say if it is meant to go far it will....

to nad: i noe ive been sort of keeping stuff here n der frm u...juz tt i wudnt want to tell u my probs tt much...as i noe u hav ur own probs n tt u r happy wif ur lyf nw together wif fiz...wudnt want to let u tink of my probs together wif me wen u r happy n hav a gr8t luv lyf...nk msk 2 yrs ryte????? hehe....congrats gal...

to hueva is readin: thx 4 readin the boring pieces of my lyf...cant helped it tt it is boring..no juices in my lyf...reallie..as im living in a sour n bitter world.....

its nt true

2006-04-28T17:09:00.000-07:00

i wont b updating a very long tym nw....sry...

niwaez,gonna come clean nw....all the previous entries on the cute guy is onlie half true...yes he is cute....but he is merely a fren.....a normal fren....n all those tings were exaggeration....nth more than tt....
im NT ATTACHED...TTS FINAL.....I AM NT ATTACHED...NT TIS MOMENT....NO IM NT....

to arn: im sry if the previous post hurt u...i had to do all tt bcos of tt stupid guy hu was irritating me tts all...im reallie sry....i dun mean to hurt u...reallie...btw,wadeva sammie tell u is true....ders no one else in my mind kae...hope u will blieve...i will do my bez juz to assure myself tt u hav forgiven me...im reallie reallie sry....pls dun b angry kae...i've neva ever lied to u....n i neva will....pls forgive me....

i'm high...

2006-04-20T18:40:00.000-07:00

i'm high todae...haha...kae2...b4 talking bout todae,ill summarize up wad happen on tues n wed....

tues...half day..having sports dae...on duty...duh...irritated wif the cadets...tis fri all of dem r gonna get it.....me n zi was reallie furious tt tym....den hafway tru was raining heavvily...had to stop the sports day..so0 went off to yew tee mcd...had fun...cmwhoring again...took pics of me in ncc cap....prettyboy..tt is wad nadiah s. calls me...n butch by 3 ppl...hey im nt a butch ok..hahah...den went back home....went online....haha...chatted here n der.....

wed...hafday ...weee..haha...in conjunction wif tues sports dae...kae....so den went to hav a feast wif d comp team...had lasagne....yum yum...haha...den met shah....he was C.U.T.E HAHA....he is....sweet too...so den walk ard went to lib wif him....den went back home.....den at night he pops the qn.... hmm....wad did i reply???? maeb u guys wud want to figure it out urself...hahaha

so todae..slacking dae....muahahahahah.....during physics had open bk test..was reallie werkin to do it....haha..seha n iza askin me 4 ans....maeb sum right sum wrg..haha....tout he wud fetch me todae...but he didnt..it was ok..but he made me werried...reallie.....haiz..tout sumting happen to him or he had cheated me...was relieved wen he called me n told me tt he was wif his god brothers..hehe....well,gonna talk to him tonite..he promised.....

well, i just hope tis wud last long...hmmm...lets pray 4 d bez.....

syiqah: figure it out quickly..i dun want u to get into trouble...make a wise dcision aite....sottb r here to support u...

haiyoyo

2006-04-16T19:14:00.000-07:00

fri.... zaf's bdae...happy bdae to her!!!!!!!! 16 sey...hehe can join me watch movie oredi...wkakakaka... to edwin too..his was thurs..hehe..

sry 4 nt updating.....well..tis wk is ok....

fri went out wif sammie n syiqah...as usual made a fool out of ourself...hehe..here it goes...

sammie waited 4 me at my bus stop...asu usual im late...wkakakak...standard beb...den board the bus...took d train to yew tee...in d train to yew tee..mie n i stood near the door..n der was tis 2 xtremely cool,cute,gorgeus very fair guy...they r chinese aren't they??? hmm...so i tol sammie tt their hair were nice in mly..n i was loud....had to rpeat twice as sammie cant hear...n one of the guys look at sammie after she replied to me...well,sammie practically said in mly n loudly...y dun u take one n i take one..n i was lyk set...do u rmember wad fadhli says??? if u lyk my hair..marry my hair lah...haha....den suddenly...the two guys talked..instantly..mie n i took of our earpiece n listened...one of dem said." dari penin ko kene..." transslation..from penin u hav to.... THEY WERE MALAY!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!! WE felt reallie mebarassed upon knowing tt they r mly....we cud onlie gigle in d train n burst out loud after alighting at yew tee...it was damn embaraassing..haha...

den waited 4 syiqah ..she was so0o minah tt day..so0o mature looking...wkakakaka....den off to wdlands...studied at mcd at civic...den had brunch at kfc..den walk2 ...stalked tis grp of guys hu were stalking us...haha...we didnt even noe tt they were stalking us...we stalked dem as sammie gt attracted to one of dem..hahaa...den walk at the int...den went to yew tee.met iza...gave her a big hug..haha.....den went home..tts all 4 friday...

sat...competition dae...we juz tried our best..i didnt even revise on anything...we did alot of blunders 4 sure.....while in d waiting rm n after finishing evriting we felt reallie down..haha..all of us was preparing 4 the worst.....duh..we had done badly...wen it was result time...we were reallie scared...i was practically shivering n cudnt reallie breathe.....so the judge announced the result...
2nd-runner up:greenridge
1st runner up:bukit pjg
by the tym all of us heard tis...we were reallie close to tears...we noe we had lose the comp....i shook my head after hearing it...khairiyah oso....
so wen the judge announced the champion
champion 4 the NA category : Teck Whye
khairiyah n i practically covered our mouth in disbelief to prevent frm screaming....nadiah was crying....we were so0o0o shocked...we hadnt tout tt we cud get the champion trophy again....weeee..... we gathered ard each othr hugged...n cried...we cudnt hold back our tears anymore....dats wad we wanted..n we did it....we gt it...we beat riverside..tts the best part of it....ma'am were oso crying....we continued the small celbration at the hq carpark...big hug again...hug ma'am too....hehe....was so0o happy....all officers hu hav guide us b4...came to congratulate us...hehe....n even jin li ma'am came to congrats teck whye...n she even congrats us upon managing to grab the title frm riverside...

duh.... all other 3 categories..we conquered by them...felt so0o proud to b standing in btween dem....hehe...gg 4 celebration next wk i guess...cant wait...

well done to the TECK WHYE NA TEAM!!! so0o proud of u guys...w/o all of u...we wont win ryte??????? hehe....

niwaez..after comp..arn fetch me home.....was kind of sweet...didnt expect him to fetch me....tout he wudnt....but he did..w/o even telling me b4 hand which he had promised to do so...hehe...was quite happy lorh..board the train..had to stand...luckily he was carrying my bag 4 me..bully aje sey.... my ankle was killing me by tt tym...cannt tahan anymore..,.i felt lyk i was gg to fall anytym...luckily he was der....supported me weneva i cudnt balance....he sent me home till int onlie..it was ok.....took bus home alone...it was so nice..so0o quiet...gt to relax my mind 4 awhile....reach home...went online eat....den sleep..den talk on d fone..tts all..

todae nth ,uch..boring...

niwaes tues havin sports day...doin duty...weee....

to all: even if u r havin a difficult tym...u hav to face it...but juz rmembered tt der r others hu will help u go tru it n support u all d way...

weee....

2006-04-04T16:41:00.000-07:00

wee...yupz...todae is juz simply...wee....haha...im juz reallie happy...1st of all,we had our individual graduating photo session todae...it was ok....wore blazer...haha....hav no idea hw i smiled..but its 4 sure a fake one...duh..i hav no idea hw to smile properly...haha....weird ryte..i noe....den had free period cos ms shrena didnt come....was suppose to do tys ut didnt...den it was maths...did vectors..it was ok...im beginning to love maths nw...hehe....den rcess....den mt....den assembly...assembly was so0o boring....xcept 4 d skit part....haha....den went to lot 1....

highlights of d dae...had alot of laugh todae.....oh yarh....tis morning saw d mamat putih 4 after so0o long....his hair is weird nw...haha...n found out tt mamat bossini smokes.....todae i was bullied 4 d 1st tym in my sec sch lyf...haha...the gals had fun..lucky dem todae i was in a gd md...n they had a feild dae due to tt..hahaha....didnt blow my top though...juz tried to keep a calm face n relax myself..its nt gd to get angry u noe....haha....niwaez..i tink im gonna get myself sum new stuff next wk.....but im nt sure wad...hmm...lets c...n maeb a new stuff 4 mie....haha....but nw hav to but prezzie 4 3 person.....hmm...wad shud i buy?? sumting purple????haha.....sure nt.....

im getting more lame each dae...

mie>>>>>>> jauhari selalu nye org india ehk????

to arn: i miss gg out wif u....lets go one dae...can???

can i cry nw????

2006-04-03T19:12:00.000-07:00

y am i so0o stupid to read all my old entries....boo hoo.....all memories rushing back...even wen im wif him....argh!!!!!!! a short entry to dscribe wad im feelling....

im MISSING him....tt is all tt i can say...fook sia.......nw i reallie cant stop tinkin bout him....argh!!!!! my heart is just filled wif him...hw long must i suffer due to all tis...haiz...if onlie he can noe evriting...i wud reallie wan to xpress evriting towards him...but i cant......

sepenuh hati lagu buat mu......

boo

2006-04-03T18:45:00.000-07:00

todae..hmmm...was ok lah....juz felt lethargic in class...most of d lessons i cud go pay attention xcept 4 phy n ss....but ss was ok lah,,,better den phy...duh...

niwaes...i havent been eating any proper meal since thurs....i reallie hav no appetite...i hav no idea y....basically,i just ate lyk small amt of foods n i wud b very very full....haiz...i wanna eat but my throat n stomach wudnt want to eat.....im nt scared tt i wud fall sick or aniting due to tis...im juz scared i wud nt b able to go tru my trainin n my pe as im nt reallie eating nw...haiz....dunnoe lah....

oh yarh...saw tt gal todae.....didnt noe y she must stare at me as if i did sumting wrg to her..i was juz merely walking 4 d 2nd tym to c if i had seen d correct person...is tt wrg?? haiyo..i dun even care bout u lah gal.....n u do nt nid to look at me lyk im a freak or as if i juz stole sumting tt is urs....ppl nwadays...weird...haha......

niwaez,did sum planning..im filled up nw...wif studies ...duh...heres my schedule....

tues>>do my hw frm 5 to 7.study ss n phy frm 7.30 to 9.30.
wed>>do hw 3 to 5.study chem 6 to 8.
thurs>> do hw 5 to 7.study mly n eng 7.30 to 9.30
fri>> cca day n rest.
sat>> do hw 2 to 4. study hist n poa 5 to 7.
sun>>maths 1 to 3.study lit 4 to 6.

so tts my schedule 4 my revision..isit still too little?? or isit alot??? hmm...i dunnoe...its enuf 4 me i tink.....lets try it out 1st....to pursue excellence....haha....lets strive hard 4 my o's...i hav too....

putting aside all my sorrows n problems....making way 4 my studies...leaving aside all my feelings...keeping my heart close 4 anyone xcept tt person...... all tis till my o's r done....

mly o level 9 wks more
prelim n o'level less than 5 mths...

wah!!!!!!!

2006-03-31T14:41:00.000-08:00

im stilll sick...coughing n sneezing nn stop...haiz.....wen isit gonna b ok...keep getting sick again...haiyo.....

so todae was cip....nadiee,syiq,iza n i was in d same grp...we went to blk 706 together wif edwin,azman n qing zhou....3 of dem r in d same grp..haha..ms lee assigned it to us...i guess she know tt we r close...hehehe.....so they gals took level 7 to 2....d boys took level 13 to 8.....so d 4 gals went as per normal to collect newspaper..i even had a line to say"excuse me..we r frm teck whye sec sch.we r here to collect recycable materials." many were nt in or they juz wudnt open d door...at level 6 of the blk...we were welcomed by a loud barking of a dog frm one of d units....upon hearing it we run down to 5th floor..haha....the unit door was close though...paiseh sia wen ms lee saw us....haha...den at level 4...scary part....we went to the last unit of d block which were at the end...press the bell waited 4 awhile...tis bangla guy open the door he was half-naked...me n syiq wasnt feelin comfortble...suddenly another man cam n open the gate....we ask 4 newspaper n he shooked his head..after tt we turn n ran until the other end of the blk....iza called azman n asked him to come down n save us...hahaah...hero to the rescue...as if....he accompanied us to d lift n went down together den took d lift wif us back up to level 3...n he went to level 11 back to rejoined edwin n ah zhou..haha....was quite funny lah...we were scared evrytym its the last unit at the end of the level....wud run after knocking....haha....we r juz being gals..... wif all tt running,it made me more worst....didnt even take my medcine tis mornin...den went back home...haiz...

so nw im back home had brunch n took my medcine...den went online...surf abit...den read all previous conv wif ttt person..nearly cried..haiz....hu wudnt...memories came back lorh...haiyo...y did i read it i oso dunnoe....but it reallie made me feel lyk cryin....evriting was kinda childish...reallie....didnt even noe tt i cud b tt childish...but it all had happen ...wad to do..haiz...i cant do aniting nw....oh yarh...n my grandma keep sayin tt we will get back together again....its quite impossible i tink even if i wish it cud happen..but i noe it juz wont happen..its quite impossible..i mean nobody noe wad others r tinkin or feeling ryte.....haiz....nvm lah...

tis aft...hav mtps...gg der wif syiq..duh....go der awhile den go home....still hav to go even wif my condition lyk tis.....haiz....

torn in between nw...anyone can help me??????

regret

2006-03-30T12:21:00.000-08:00

kae i regret gg to the doctor yest....y??????? cos im feeling worst den the rest of d day....the doctor gav me a medicine tt can let my phlegm out...nw i hate the feeling even more.....im on mc todae..n its so0o boring!!!!!! n juz found out tt 1 of the sottb gals nids sum1...haiyo....shud hav gone to sch...hw can i b so0o selfish....she nids me n im nt der 4 her...haiz.......if onlie i cud turn back tym n nt go to d doct yest....haiyoyo.....

i tink i wont do tis again.....it juz make me feel guilty to leava any of frens alone wen they nid sum1....arghh!!!!! hw selfish can i get...i mean their probs n feelings r wait more important den my health state....i mean if im sick..i cud get better...but wen they r hurt...they reallie nid sum1 to b der n giv a shoulder 4 dem to cry on.. .heesh...im so0o0o selfish.....haiz....

so0o im at home bcos im havin cough n flu plus wif giddy spells....all tis since sun..but onlie went to d doct yest....hw stubborn i can get ryte??? c it doenst reallie make a diff if i go or nt if nt 4 my aunt.....told me to go..so i went being a gd niece..hmm...
2mr caring day cum cip cum mtps......gg to yew tee area to collect newspaper...karungguni 4 d dae..haha....den afternn to evening..hav mtps....she's nt coming lyk duh...isnt it obvious...but its gr8t!!!!can go back late wif my fren....but if im feeling ok tt is.....hmm.....

plans 4 wkend...probably go c my gr8t grandma...den off to nadiee's house do cme proj...haiyo....1st plan was to study....maeb afta tt go study lah......maeb,....i wan to get out of my house to study dats all...

to all including myself : b strong...pull urself together...dun let aniting pull u down...rmember tt u are nt alone in tis werld...der r those hu feel tt u r evriting 4 dem n tt they reallie nid u to b wif them......

sick!!!!!

2006-03-28T20:13:00.000-08:00

hate it...im sick...yes shall i rpeat it...im sick....havin fever,cough n feel lyk vomiting..shit sia....so niwaes alot of byronknights r sick too...evvrieone is infeted nw...hahaha..virus spreading...

so...i did very bad tis mth..nt kidding very bad...im passing d subjects which i usually fail bbut im failing d subject tt i usually pass...haiz...hav no idea hw to tell my mum....

niwaez..im getting irritated wif her nw...lyk duh...evriting is dat person...tt person tis tt person tt...fook lah....later during mtps..u actas if u care....wadeva...uve neva ever cared.....since wen did u care 4 me......wadeva lah eh...evvriting is happening is bcos of d pressure n nagging u giving me....

hmm....well...juz nw almost brkdown in sch..but held back my tears...was forcing myself to go crazy n i did it...was crazy througout d whole dae....haha....but d memories still come back....cant stop d memories lorh...haiz...i juz wish dat d memories wud juz fade away soon...btw.juz nw i watched tis korea show entitled love in paris...todae's episod...a guy act as if he cant rmember aniting frm his life n even where he came frm etc....he did dast juz to let d gal tt he lurve to b married wif his uncle as his uncle lurve d gal alot...despite himself loving her...he did all tt to make his uncle happy...wad a self-sacrificing ting to do...haiz....was touched by it..n instantly,rmeber him again...maeb i shud do tt....try to act as if i forget him n let him b happy wif hu he ones despite still having feelings 4 him.....maeb i shud do tt...lyk i wud normally say...i dun mind if im hurt or if im nt happy as long as others are..i wud b happy too....haiz... maeb i shud do it....

if onlie u can noe evriting...if onlie u r able to read wads my heart contents...wudnt it b gr8t..but i noe u cudnt n u wudnt cos ur heart is wif sum1 else....

sorrow fills me each dae yet i cud conceal it wif evrie smile n laughter....
let it b tt way if it is meant to b tt way...

wowza

2006-03-27T18:36:00.000-08:00

fri was b urself dae...nth much happen xcept tt we were nt wearing sch u..duh...

sat,went to pasir ris...my relatives house...was playin wif my lil cousin d whole dae...heheh....she's super duper cute...called me "lah" i hav no idea y she call me dat....she wudnt leave me 4 d entire dae...wudnt even let me eat....haha.....she's onlie 2...haha....she's cute...yes she is..n im saying it again....it was her bdae tt dae...help her wif cutting of her cake as she wud onlie stay still if i was bsyd her....haha....funny part was tt i squatted down, n she follow suit...wadeva i do she wud do...weehhhheee...she's attached to me...im juz a toddler attracter...lil kid juz adores me..muahahahahahah...

so sun....went to bb...accompany my sis...b4 tt enrolled myself into a tuiton prog..its 4 my maths....duh....im kinda weak..but im passing....well,den mind my own business in bb mc as my sis discuss wif her fren on their werk....after tt went home....well cudnt stop tinkin of..u noe hu...haiyo...cant help it....had written sum stuff in my fone..full of all my heart contents...hmm...so i cudnt take it...i cried the entire nite...4 3 hrs actuali....i even pour out evriting to my sis..cudnt help it...

oh yarh....read another case study....

case-study 2..

the gal realizes dat she reallie cant forget d guy..but she's helpless....she cant do aniting cos she hav no idea wad is d guy tinkin of or even his heart contents...so0o d gal tried confiding wif her frens...n they told her to juz tell he guy hw she feels...but d problem is...d gal did nt reallie hav d courage as the guy might hav a gf n as far as d gal noes,the guy is reallie in lurve wif his gf...d gal noe all tis is tru his msn personal msg....d gal juz sumtym wish dat it was 4 her but she knew it was 4 his gal....she tries to nt expose her feelings 4 him..xcept by juz telling her frens d truth...those hu she is close to....despite all of tis,d gal juz kept quiet frm d guy n onlie talk to her wen in need...to xpress her feelings,she kept evriting in her fone...her fone contain evrie detail 4 wad she wants n hw she is feeling...but she wudnt dare to tell him tt her feelings hav neva change 4 him...if onlie d guy wud b able to noe tt....n d gal cant still figure out bout d pic in his wallet...alot of questions is in her mind...her frens too r beginning to wonder y is he keeping d gals pic n y does he keep changing his personal msg to tings associated wif love wen he had told d gal's senior tt he was single.....d gal is confused n hoping 4 a positive outcome if luck was on her side....

kae..so dats d 2nd case study....if u guys r wondering where i find such case study...well..it might b frm a website or even frm my frens....hu noes...4 me..tis case study is quite complicated...d gal is reallie hoping tt she cud b wif d guy again hwever she doesnt noe hw wad the guy is tinkin or hw d guy is feeling...frm tis case study iteself..juz lyk d previous one...der can b many possible ans to it..its juz d way hw u read it n hw u c it...

i hav to conceal it no matter wad until d dae wen dat person took dat step to xplain evriting....let my feelings b concealed...no matter hw long it wud take...let it b tt way....

confused

2006-03-24T22:36:00.000-08:00

news!!!!!!!!!!

im reallie confused ryte nw...i mean reallie.....kae2..let me giv all of u a case study..tis case study is d one which is makin me confuse...

case-study

der is tis guy n tis gal....they've broke up abt 7 mths oredi....both of dem had a few love-partners after tt...the guy currently is havin a gf...nt d gal...however,d gal is unable to forget bout the guy....but she juz kept quiet....she did nt dare to tell him...the feelings had neva change too..so,one day..the gal's senior told her sumting...the gal's senior found the gal's pic in the guys wallet....wen d gal found tis out frm her senior...she was shocked...but was quite sure tt der was his gf 's pic in der as well as all his other exes....shudnt der b??? so0o d gal ask her senior,to her amazement...der wasnt any other pics....d gal is nw confused....she hav no idea y d guy still kips her pic after their 7 mths brk up...d gal juz wans to noe d truf to y he kips it....but d gal feels tt he didnt tell her d truf wen she had asked him...d gal is hoping tt the guy wud tell her evriting....cos d gal is unable to live wif tis kind of confusion... but d gal wud juz want to let d guy noe tt nth has change..n if ever he tells her d truf whether is bad or gd...she will take it....

kae...so tts d case study...wad do u guys tink of it???? i myself was confused wen i gt tis case....haiyo...anyone can help??? pls aproach me.....haha..tag my board n giv me d ans kae...well,my ans was tt...ders two part 2 d story...1st part: d guy might nt b able to 4get bout d gal....2nd part: d guy juz kept it 4 fun as he 4gt to take it out..... but to tis type of case-study...der r many possibilities...

btw...todae was be yourself dae...byron was hyper...cudnt keep still haha...so0o noisy....den during phy ...nurul gt attack by 4 boys hahaha....paper balls fight.....hahaha.///den lit was fun///had freeze frame...n i had to do the part on a guy recieving a letter frm hi beloved wive...syiq was laughing oredi...she even said tt i was being such a dramaqueen again..hey gal, u cant blme me..im a NATURAL....wkakakakkaakakak....so had trainin...did 2 case onlie...wen home blah blah..b4 tt was camwhoring wif zaf n iza....weeee....nice pics ryte guys....

im still searchin 4 evrie possible ans to live on a happy life...
n im still nt ready 4 other tings......

wadeva

2006-03-22T19:29:00.000-08:00

todae is a happy day 4 me.....well tried to make it a happy one...forced myself...haha...

kae2 b4 gg onto todae...ill talk abit bout yest...the highlights on yest....mr selvam was irritated wif our class,duh...almost d whole class didnt complete his hw...bad byron..muahahahah...den at ard evening...played checkers wif edwin...loser pay 50 cents....n edwin was d loser..haha...sry edwin...was my luck i guess....ate two of his kings in a single move..wakakkakaka....5 against 1.. todae playin again..if he is online....n if im still online wen he is...

so as 4 todae..mornin2,iza make me n my dear laugh oredi....wkaaakaka...true or nt mie??? the story was lyk tis...iza,mie n i was walkin to sch frm the bus stop..den i saw tis snail..i shouted"iza look der......" n pointed it out...iza took me by surprised n jumped...she even hold my hand n lift up her right leg...wakakaka...big reaction....she was relieved wen she saw tt the snail was a few metres away frm her....mie n i was laughing nn stop...we couldnt help it...evrieone was staring at us...we were so0o energetic early in d morning...haha....

den lessons was ok...quite boring....especially durin eng,ss n poa...almost fell asleep...except tt durin poa was force to do the depreciation tingy...tedious werk it is...... maths is d onlie tym i was active.....i cud ans almost all d qn...am so0o proud of myself...haha...well it was easy...dats y ....on probability.....give me algebras or trigo...u'll c me struggling or even drifting...haha....im bad in both....den mt...freak subject....haha....had to take off our shoe b4 entering ava rm.... syiqah nice socks...muahahahaah....ill b u a new one...haha....had letter writting 4 mt..... was ok lah..normal.....den sch ended....suppose to hav trainin but juz slack ard...sry mie didnt wait 4 u......had to rush home ard 4 plus....sry dear.....

so0o....my lyf is normal nw...i guess....maeb i juz nid more time to clear my mind....hmmm.....well, havin those stupid relapses again.... on tt person n on my ---......haiz...dunnoe lah y suddenly tink of both of dem....

to arn: hey...ill try my best kae.....i wont fail..... ill try..reallie.....dun werry kae....

to sottb: i hope we can hav an outing soon...maeb a study date?? but mine is w/o a date.... unless mie's guy neva go...haha...asmi pemalu kan.....sry2 lorh...btw.....i dun tink i hav aniting to write nw in our bk....so0o mie u can hold onto it 1st...

freaking frustrated

2006-03-20T22:44:00.000-08:00

todae....freaking hell...hate todae...todae is d worst dae to begin wif...fook sia....felt reallie down....i cant even ctrl my tears....cried in maths class...it was 4 a short while onlie...i cant make a scene over der...thx to za hu was der to calm me down..cudnt help it..was tinkin too much bout it...haiyoyo..

kae2...d onlie fun part todae was during cme..doin grp werk wif iza,seha,edwin n yi jie...haha....doin on the tpic marriage..n we discuss totally out of point...we even took turns saying the werd fuck.....luckily mrs neo didnt hear...n yi jie is so0o0o disgusting....we were the noisiest grp....edwin n iza wif their pregnant joke....i am nt pregnant ok!!!! havent even done it yet.....n there is no baby...n tt it is nt dumped n it nt burnt to death.....haha....

haiz...syiqah...try to b strg kae..... dun let him dampen ur relationship wif the new one.....get ur feelings strait...stand up 4 urself.....tell him wad u want n hw ufeel ...u hav to do it...if nt u will neva b happy wif the new one....

to sottp gals.....im ok kae.....im fyn reallie....i juz nid to pull myself...i juz nid a few daes by mself..if eva i can hav it....but actuali its nt onlie yest incident makin me sad...der r still other tings...maeb i will tell u wen d tym is ryte....hmm...i dun mean to keep it frm u guys...i juz hav no choice...maeb ill juz write it in our bk.....luv u gals...

to edwin thx fren....reallie apreciate ur help..u r d onlie one bsyd my besties hu will owaes b der 4 me..thx...

sad!!!!!!!

2006-03-19T21:01:00.000-08:00

todae....went out wif mie to tampines....met wif asmi's sis...pass d prezzie den went to lot 1...had lunch...den go library...normal routine...den went home.....

shocked by wad happen to syiqah...but i blieve she did wad is best 4 herself

kae so at night.....was hyper at first....den mood went down....chat here n der abit..... den was ok....went down again....almost wanted to cry..but i tried to hold it back.....

the sottp gal noe wad had happen..thx dears...reallie apreciate it...zai too..thx 4 the advice...

having relapse after relapse...todae was d biggest one...cos he talked to me..memories replayed back....all was vivid..trying to pull myself together...hope i can do it....

my lyf is w helpless....i tink..but i hav my besties especially sottp gals.... luv u gals...

dq...mm...pf....

2006-03-17T08:09:00.000-08:00

pp...dq...mm..pf.....hmm.....all tis r short forms to my nick.....im living wif it....im loving it too...haha...wif all tis nicks...i do nt take the nicks as a form of teasing or anitng negative...to me,wif the nicks tt im given...my frens noe hu i am..n they hav their rsons in calling me tt...3 of it r all physical aspects..n the last 1 is my character itself...haha.......kae2...thx to my frens 4 coming up wif all tis...at least i noe tt u guys noe tt i exist in tis world at tis moment wif all of u...

so todae is fri..yest was thurs....so0o yest had poa...slack....as per normal...den went to mit my aunt at sembawang..hell place tt is....wakakaka.....its so0o scary to go der alone if u r a gal....den went to cwp...den to lot 1...wad did i buy??? haha...yellow tank,green earth tone jacket...tts 4 yest,...overall tis wk plus last sat...i bought dark yellow short skirt..which my sis says look lyk a long mini on me n a knee lenth skirt on her...esprit greean earth tone vneck shirt...the v is plunging down...waakkakaka...nt so0o low lah...oh yarh..lastly, a bege long skirt wif vertical lines.....hmm.....im gg broke...haha...nt reallie lah...tts half of my savings gone....i dun mind cos i onlie shop lyk hell evrie 2 to 3 mths...nt evrie mth....dats hw i survive..

kae till here..update more tonite 4 todae...gg 4 trainin.....btw...im kinda sick again...havin tt stupid difficulty breathing......haiz....wen will i b healthy as owaez..boo hoo

freedom is neva in my dictionary...yet i noe the meaning pretty well...
do i nid it????? hmm....i tink i have it.....

sumting i made

2006-03-13T20:15:00.000-08:00

sumting i made 4 my mly compo juz nw...its in mly again..sry....here it goes...

ibu...
engkau mendidik dan membesarkanku
engkaulah yang memberikan ku segalanya
walau hidupku masih serba kekurangan
aku tetap menyayangimu
ibu...
jasamu akan aku kenang
kasih sayang yang ada akan aku balas sepenuhnya
aku berjanji kepadamu
aku tadak akan meninggalkanmu
oh ibu...
aku menyayangimu selalu
engkaulah segalanya bagiku
ibu...

my eyes hurt....

2006-03-13T20:04:00.000-08:00

yeps...my eyes are hurting nw....tis morning i had lied to sammie,bav n yunie...actuali ive been crying 4 the past 3 daes.....dats y my eyes r red n swellin abit....its nt bcos i didnt hav enuf sleep...well actuali i dun too.....my sleep r nt peaceful nw.... im waking up at 4 in d morning den sleep again...den wake up again..... haiz...dat is y ive been so0o tired n restless tis few daes....
i guess its juz tt tym of the mth wen im becoming so0o emo n sensitive n juz nt being myself.....
even wif my frens ard me..it still doesnt help...sumtyms i wud drift away frm dem n juz kept sient but i tried my best nt to do tt...almost did it on last sat wen we were off to kranji..had kept quite silent 4 awhile..juz smile n laugh at their jokes...but startedto pull myself together as so0on as i find the situation quite awkward 4 me n dem... haiz...i dunnoe wad is happening to me....yes dis is NOT the SERI RIDHAYU TT OTHERS NOE.....im suppose to b strg ryte...able to pull myself together...its juz ironic tt all of tis is happenin.....my mind is reallie nt in its greatest state to tink of aniting...haiz...i wish i cud reallie liean on sum1 n nt juz my frens...they hav their own problems too....n i cant b selfish to throw out my problems towards dem.....no i juz cant...
sry mie sry za.....
its nt tt i do nt want to share....but i noe u guys hav ur own problem...might be bigger den mine...hu noes ryte....i noe iza does tts 4 sure....4 mie im nt sure,but i noe u too hav it.....tts y i m nt telling u guys...

my life is juz filled wif sorrow..no matter wad my life still is a play..so let it b watch by others...n let them b entertained by it...no matter hw fake it is or hw true it is....

bluek...

2006-03-12T21:17:00.000-08:00

todae....woke up.bathe...eat...clean house...play comp.. accompany my sis....sleep..play comp.....i hav no life...yes i noe...n ppl may fynd me boring...but im nt...

my mood4 todae is quite ok lah...but still hav tt bingitness in me....wkaakkaka...bingitness...wad a werd......am juz doin sum self tinkin....the more i stay in the more irritated i am....reallie...evriedae its the same ting.....nag n nag n nag....hell sia..... i noe i hav to study...i will but im juz nt in a mood...n i dun lyk to study at home...its juz pure boredom ok...... y can she study out n i cant..... wad fairness is tis....wadeva crap lah...dun make me do sumting dat u wont lyk kae....cos im on the verge to do it...n i noe im able to do it.....stupid tings im tinkin off...wkakakaka......nt tt stupid lah...its juz tt it can cause me my future...see im still in my right mind to tink of wad is wrg n wad is right....

livin in my world is difficult yet it can b made up to wad i dream of...

ok2 lah

2006-03-11T22:16:00.000-08:00

i noe ive nt been updating...sry....so tis wk hav ca....bluek.....bad me..neva reallie study...

so0o todae....bav,mie,iza came over... den we went to kranji den to lot 1... bought a skirt..... iza skirt n blouse......den help mie find asmi's prezzie.... den went to library...borrow a bk.....btw...we took neo's/...weee........ haha......den we went back home...

im kinda sad dis few daes...frustrated too... i juz wanna get out of here...... reallie...literally...... lets hope the trip to either to N.Z or Aust is set....cos ill b d happiest gerl den...away frm evriting...... i seriouzly cant hold on anymore....family stuff is one ting...about arn is another....sumtyms i juz wonder.. where is tt gal hu is reallie strg,brave n wont let aniting pull her down?????? WHERE ARE YOU SERI RIDHAYU!!!!???????

HMMM....niwaez..i guess im ok..i hope i am...i cant let aniting affect me 4 my studies......lets juz hope nth happen to me...cos im tinkin of all the stupid stuff nw....

to all my frens: dun werrie bout me...im fyn kae.....

my bdae......n i felt cheated....but i hope im nt...

2006-02-26T21:37:00.000-08:00

yets all of dem came....wee...xcept 4 afew...its ok though...thx 4 all the wishes....realli apreciate it...n those presents...thx alot...reallie lyk those stuff tt is purple haha....btw..mie,za etc the gang..thx 4 the no fear cushion....it reallie sort of dscribe me does it?? wkakakakaa.....kae2....

so todae had comp trainin.... my lil toe was in pai duh...had a ver long clean cut on it....quite deep lah......stinging pain...cudnt walk properly...wad the...wah.....nt so0o tough todae trainin.....had fd...den verbalize our first aid n home nursing case....was ok lah.....den went off to concourse to change...standard procedure....den went off to lavender...he fetch me home....but can onlie send till j.e...my hopes dampen abit.....but try to lift it up by sayin...atleast i get to mit him after such a long tym....it was awkward at 1st...den it was ok....he sort of 'hug' me..well actuali..put his hand on my waist dats all....it was a very warm feeling...dat is we suddenly the green monster came n reminded me....was jkingd of tinkin did he do tis wif other gals to?? after all he goes out wif others as well..but i tried to keep a positive mind....i juz hope 4 the best...im feeling insecure...as i hav no idea on his feelings ryte... i onlie wish it wud b reallie clear...i reallie miss him...finally gt to me him todae...quite happ lah...but it was so0o0o short....nvm lah.....

oh yarh....faihzal...asked 4 a patch up...i dun wan it ....but i dunnoe how to say it...haiyo...maeb i juz keep quiet n it will go away...

is it real????? or its juz fake....

im 16!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-02-25T10:15:00.000-08:00

yes...im 16 todae....weee!!!!!!! haahahahaa...a yr older....lets hope ill b mature nw.....thx to all those hu hav wished me n hu gave me presents..... to byronknights n ms lee...thx so0o0o much 4 tt new rendition of bdae song...i still havent figure out hu had done the request...was blushin at tt point of tym...b4 tt, edwin n azman made me embarrased...all about cats.....bad sia..haha.....

n edwin gave me a surprise...wkakaka...wad a shocking ting.....didnt xpect tt he wud giv me a present....its a red velvety bear holding tis pink rose....others were as surprised as i am...haha....but thx edwin..it was cute..lurve it....

niwaez...yest he msg me...wee...but suddenly he neva reply..dunnoe y...maeb i said sumting wrg...i reallie hope tt i cud mit him on sun...he wanted to mit me todae....but i cant...i juz hope it wud b 2mr....i reallie wish...miss gg out wif him lei.... oh yarh...i dunnoe if evriting is still d same...i mean nth hav change...as in the feelings n evriting.....im juz scared tt he hav lyk sum1 else...boo hoo den.....haiyo....stop tinkin bout tis lah haiyo......

gd luck to iza on her compettn todae

thx to those hu hav wished me n gave me prezzie...thx.....

fucking hell

2006-02-23T19:03:00.000-08:00

the title is so0o0o negative duh.....its the end of the journey...no more faihzal in my dictionary......wadeva lah eh...

niwaez to summarize yest...wee.....so0o fun....but gt scolded haha....ms lee's lit lesson standard arh....kae2...niwaez....cudnt stop tinkin back on fareez's slapping incident...sdap dak kene ngan anwar....wakakakakakak......way to go anwar...haha.....so den had trainin...was fugging tired.... all of us were fooling ard...den made a video clip...a romantic clip by izzah n amal...damn funny...den a murder n clash clip....lastly the clashes of supermodel gang n kentalanz gang...wkakakaka...hilarious.....

kae fucking part.......dun ask me wad happen btween me n faihzal...he's juz a fucking creature....bcos of mall stuff threaten...wad the hell...n he even call me idiot n bodoh..n even said gi mampos ah...wad the hell?????? wadeva....u r nt in my dict anymore.....

niwaez.....happy part...he msg me...wee...haha...so0o great....juz feel so0o happy weneva i rceive a msg frm me...n wanna noe wad...i was freakingly attack by the green monster.....it came to me yest....dunnoe lah y....after read the testimonial tis gal gave him....was freakingly taken over by the green monster....wad the heck...tried to ctrl it but i cant...muahahaahaha.....

niwaez as 4 todAE....was fun...n im gonna kill izzah......shucks her sia......byronites will noe wad had happen......pity edwin....haha.....had alot of fun todae....n adlina turns out to b gr8t too.....welcome to the royalty gal.....

speechless

2006-02-20T23:52:00.000-08:00

1st werd.....shocked......2nd werd estatic..........
weee.......kae2...so0o todae...as per normal...xcept tt was feeling very rastless n fidgety....i cudnt stop talking 4 the whole dae..kept on laughing too...hahah....cant ctrl myself mah.....den went to lot 1 after ss lesson....borrow books again...4 m,iza,n bav.....den went back home wif nurul n mie...haha.....nth much..juz chatted ard.....den reach home...tis is wen my mood changes...hahah.....gt a msg frm him!!!!!!!!! wee...........i juz feel so0o0 happy...weeeeeeee.......... finally he msged me after so0o0o long..is dis a gd sign or nt????? i dunnoe...nt sure lorh....but im juz happy...estatic in fact........ mie noes hw happy i am....she was d first person tt i called to tell bout his msg..... we were trying to figure out wad was all of it about..i dun understand it at 1st.....so0o msg him tru online sms....found my ans....im juz happy tt i get to talk to him again......
lets hope the relation tt we hav wud get better......

sumting tt i made yest...was tinkin bout him again....

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-----------------------so0o0o d jiwang---------------------------
but hu cares..tts wad im feeling nw...
i wanna tell him d truf...but i cant...im juz scared...i wan him to noe how i reallie feel...but i cant...im juz scared....

to him..if u noe hu u r......i reallie hav neva ever forgotten u.....i reallie neva had let go of the feeling tt i had 4 u....the feeling is still deep in me.....its juz too deep 4 me to let go......i wish u cud understand hw i am feeling........a tep which i had taken wrgly,plz forgive me....i noe i am wrg..... but i reallie wish u cud giv me a chance...n we b lyk hw we use to b last tym.......i miz those tym....but the most is...i miz u.......reallie i do.....btw,the feeling tt i hav has neva eva fade away......it is stronger by each dae actuali....but i juz dun hav the guts to tell u...im sry.....i dun noe if evriting wud b requited..as far as i noe..it might b juz an unrequited one...

to mie: hey thx gal.....didnt noe tt u wud understand me reallie deep enuf....i juz hope tt im as brave as i am wen coming to tis sort of stuff...i noe ive owaez been a frirect person sum1 hu is brave to admit tings..but i juz am scared tt im clapping wif one hand u c....haiz......

5 more daes to my bdae.......

im so0o0o lost n i nid to pull myself ...

2006-02-18T15:00:00.000-08:00

its mid of feb nw....n i still haven settle down in the yr 2006...im still lost.....im still so0o confused.....haiz...hw am i gg to cope tis yr.....my big yr.....worst still...problems r pouring i lyk rain...i noe its part n parcel of lyf...but wad to do....haiz...

firstly...my jan test results is fuckingly horrible...im so0o dissapointed wif myself....gt 30 4 l1r5 and 23 4 my l1r4...fuck sia...tts the worst i have ever get...i reallie reallie nid to buck up...but i juz cant find the tym to do it......wkdaes...ill b so0o damn tired....mon tues thurs hav remedial after sch.....wed n fri comp trainin.....ill b dead tired by then....im juz so0o bz...sat...my resting dae....but frm march onwards im havin tution in d morning...so im left wif half of my sat to rest...sun is my hw dae....haiyo..c hw hectic it is...

worst still....weneva i wanna start my revision...i will b called upon to do sumting....hw am i suppose to carry on wif my life lyk tis...n the most unfair ting is tt...i cant go out n study wif my frens....wad sey.....im gg to study at the library wad..no where else......isit wrg????its nt as if im lying or wadeva....

niwaez....im feeling reallie miserable nw....my lyf is empty...very empty...but luckily i hav my frens ard me..yet it still feels d same way....
oh yarh, juz fough wif evrieone in the house again todae...w/o any rson....dunnoe lah..i sumtyms juz feel tt they hate me..dunnoe lah...haiyo.....

update summore another dae....
adios...

my life is more sorrowful as each dae goes by........

bad dae bad dae bad dae

2006-02-16T20:40:00.000-08:00

was reallie sleepy in sch todae........almost fell asleep during shem...my head was tilting all over the place...sleepy mah.....haiyo...den..gt my january progress report...fuck sia....i did so0o badly....hav to pull my socks...reallie pull it high up.....haha....lame joke....

went back home....my aunt said sumting bout faihzal....wadeva lah.....i dun get it.....seme tk kene....sape lagi yg kene.....u juz dstroyed my heart last tym....i reallie reallie luv n lyk him.....but u say i hav to stay away frm him....btw,tis him doesnt refer to faihzal.....refering to sum1 else.....
n i still luv n lyk him ok.........but bcos of evriting.....bcos of him knowing tt u didnt lyk him being frens wif me...he dcide on evriting...well tt was my theory 4 him to ask me to forget bout him the other tym.....n i was so0o stupid to tink tt it was for real...hey hu wudnt...i was reallie hurt tt tym...tout he was for real.....so i was abit angry..duh....kae2 my sidetrack is so0o0o long....

niwaez......kept tinkin bout him since last wk...cudnt stop it.......evrytym i tink bout it....i start to cry......thad tout of him in sch todae.....fareez tout i was in a bad mood...but actuali i wasnt...was juz nt in d mood to talk.......

nw i cant even talk to him...let alone b fren...bcos of tt stupid mistake i made....haiz....arent i juz stupid....its too late tt i juz realize my mistakes nw....but sumtyms i feel tt he is lying...i dunnoe...but sumtyms i feel he is nt....dunnoelah...but i noe tt evriting is over...stupid me.....stupid acts.....i dservve all tis ryte.....chib sia,......

iza..ur qn juz nw reallie open my eyes....it made me tink of my feelings....if nt i tink i wud rpeat all my mistakes again....i wud hav lied to myself.....am i happy wif faihzal????????? yarh...i am nt actuali....n i will neva b........i tink nt wif anione else too.....
i juz felt tt i wud b happy wen im wif.....u noe hu.....i still rmember very vividly during the holidaes...tt was the most happiest moment of my lyf.....i was wif him tt tym...was very close...i was reallie happy...a smile on my face evriedae...i cud even hear my own laughter....haiz...but all tis is gone....i cudnt reallie c tt sweet smile on me.....i cant even hear my laughter...i cant even feel my happiness...haiz...sorrow feels me evriedae........

if he is reading all tis...im sorry...reallie sry..i didnt noe wad u meant the other tym....i reallie tout u ask me to leave u.....i didnt noe wad to do...i was reallie angry at tt point of tym.....i didnt tink deep enuf....im juz stupid...as u hav said i am immature.....yarh i admit..i am...but i learn frm it,......nw evrieting is gone....if onlie u cud come back into my lyf.....it wud b a dream if it happens.....

feeling sorrowful each dae......
sadness is within every inch of me....

feb is nt my mth...

2006-02-12T16:20:00.000-08:00

FEBRUARY...it is suppose to b the lukiest mth....the bez mth of the,...yr...y??????? cos its my bdae mth.....the 1st wk of tis mh was ok...tout it wud b alrite.........nt until tis wk.....
evrieting came pouring in...all was wrg......my mind,my heart,my health...juz evrie single lil ting.....

the worst begins on fri....

fri...

had my comp trainin....it was damn tiring 4 me.....i was havin one of my sick dae.....my rib cage was in pain,i was out of breath,my body was warm,head was spinning n my throat hurts...worst ting is tt my leg was reallie realle in pain....can twalk properly....so after the trainin..while waitin 4 ma'am....we chat among each other.....den found out sumting reallie unxpected...sumting tt i cudnt take.....faihzal is nad's ex bf......i ant continue the relation lyk tis.....no i juz cant.......its juz zo0o0o wrg...nadi n i r team mate...close frens....we spend alot of tym together...we r juz too close ..i cant do it...even though nad is already happy wif her 3yr relationship...hmm...wad to do....i tink if i reallie can take it anymore...i hav to ask 4 it...to me its juz wrg to take my frens ex.....

sat

feeling worse den ever.....accompanied my sis to the shop...by the tym reach the shhop..i was feeling reallie weak...cudnt even walk tt fast.....n i was out of breath too....worst still.. i had tis spinning feeling...den in the afternn.....chatted wif faihzal online....den nad was oso online.....so dcided to ask him whether he rmembered her or nt....he did...tis made me feel more guilty....after tt small talk.....evrieting was difrent by then...i cudnt talk to him lyk i normally do...
hmm...shud i continue wen i hav tis guilty feeling deep insyd me....haiz...i dunnoe....its juz so0o0o wrg,....

sun...

todae tt is....woke up....laze ard abit....tout about nad n faihzal incident.... den sudenly arn came to my mind again......haiyo...dunnoe lah wads wrg wif me.....keep tinkin bout him again n again even thought i didnt show it....evrietym im online wud search 4 him..haiyo.......wad a wrg ting to do......so try nt to tink of it tt much...after bathing....didnt hav the mood to eat...suddenly i juz cried.....cudnt stop cryingg.......i hav no idea y....so wen online....more werst....continued to cry......found out almost evroting i tink...i dunnoe .....but seriouzly...im confused nw..i hav no idea wad he meant actuali......n y muz he keep the truf or even wad he reallie wans frm me......if he had told me evrieting wud b difrent nw..i guess......haiz.....i dunnoe lah....juz feel lyk crying again........

to the sottp gals...thx aite.......4 hearing me out...mansor too...thx......

lets juz hope tt in the few wks to come it wud be abit better....after all my bdae is coming....ard 2 wks lyk tt..i tink.....nt so good at counting...lets juz hope my sweet 16 wont turn sour.......i wish.........

average dae 4 me....

2006-01-31T19:42:00.000-08:00

kae....for todae....nth much...juz went to town to buy my gallaz shoes...the shoes tt i wan which is black n checkered pink did nt hav in my size...so i settled 4 my 2nd choice...a silver one wif pink indications.....den went of to centrepoint followed by funan......ok2 lah.....nt muhc happen.....but im so0o happy tt i gt my shoes....

gt back home...he's online...........wee...finally after such a long tym...im estatic...no more den ecstatic......it made me speechless.....i had tears of joy too.....juz a lil.....was reallie happy.....but den tt ting had to b dstroyed...he said sumting tt i cudnt take......reallie...wad damn sad wen he said tt werd...i mean i dun care bout it...i noe he is the same still....i juz wish he cud realize tt i dun care no matter hu he is or wad he is nw...i juz dun want to lose him....realli..he means alot to me...reallie...my lyf was difrent wen he was here...i noe tt i hav sumwhere to lean on....he had helped me alot....i cant simply 4get him juz lyk tt......bcos of him..i gt to stand on my two feets again.....bcos of him i noe the meaning of havin true frenship...i began treasuring my frens even more.......bcos of him...the way i lead my life is difrent.....i became much more happy n a positive person...all tis thx to him...

ARN....i realli dun wanna lose u ok....i dun mind u changing.....cos i noe i wudnt care bout it.....evrieone wud change...but i noe u r still hu u r....changes r wad u bcom but nt hu u r...its two difrent ting......i reallie hope tt u wudnt brk our frenship.....i reallie cant take it....its juz so0o0o sad 4 me...reallie.....ask sammie hw sad n hurting it is 4 me...if u wanna noe the truf...

iza....aniting juz call me...24/7....dun mind wad is happening to me or wadeva im feeling...wad matter most is u....if u reallie feel down juz give me call aites...im here 4 u...b strg.....rmember tis kae....u hav to b strg..ill help u along d way....

mie...thx 4 evriting.....u r reallie a shoulder 4 me......thx...im mean n selfish...so0o sorie...i throw to u all my probs...i promise dat once evriting is clear...i wont b crying onto u aites.......tis is a promise to me...no mater hw big d problem is...i dun wan to 'susahkan sape2'(my brain isnt werkin so i cant tink of the eng werd.....

wad?????????????

2006-01-30T16:46:00.000-08:00

i noe its been quite sumtym since i update it...haha....lykreal lyk tt....niwaez...sum stuffs happen on sun..sat was bleargh 4 me....tis person by the name of min.....full name is muhaimin...i tink tts the spelling dunoe lah.....he's been contacting me 4 awhile nw....talk to him on d fone on sun...well,he told me afew stuffs...mie u noe bout it ryte..haha....weird sak....i couldnt trust him at 1st...den after he keep emphasizing on it...i started to blieve it..but im still unsure if it is true or nt...well,i do hav a crush on him last tym...but im nt sure i still do..even though he fits the bill of wad im looking for...hmm...i dunnoe lah.....maeb ill wait till i mit him....den ill dcide.....tis sat or sun moz probably....dunnoe lah...lets juz hope it will happen....he had plan lots of stuff while talkin to me yesterday....even though too fast but if it is 4 real...i wud b able to live wif it....hahaa....mie will noe y...hensem kan mie?????haha...ok lah...leh thn....nt dat drop dead gorgoeus lorh....niwaez..i still haven dcide but maeb if he ask again i wud agree.....

niwaez...todae i had finish up ccopying the entire act 5 scene 1......bloody hell man......tiring babe.....my hand is sore...luckily nt the entire play....i bet tt wud make my hand fall apart into pieces...exaggerating sak aku,....wkakakakaka...

btw,iza b strong aite....it wud b hard nw...i noe...a few daes might b....im here 4 u gal...24/7...even though if im bz or havin a prob myself...dun werry juz come to me...ill help u kaez......cos i can let out my problem to sum1 else to...u c ders a cycle.....all of tis is the cycle of life......we juz hav to go on aites....

fucking hell

2006-01-27T09:01:00.000-08:00

title is tt as ms lee was havin her mood swing todae...scolded d class juz bcos we didnt project our voice n didnt search 4 meanings of the werd we didnt noe..juz bcos of tt she had to blow her top...wad the hell.....so as punishment we hav to do a journal entry n nid to copy out the whole of act 5 scene 1..which is contains 400 lines....f**k man.....sry2...very vulgar todae.....niwaez,den had cny celebration..had lotsa fun...especially wif the senior citizens ard...wee...had met wif sum hu had came last yr...but the atok wasnt der....haiz....but der was tis atok,his phillipine...tt is wad akid said....but he cud speak mly very well..he even sing 4 us
wee...gonna miss all of dem.....

niwaez after tt rush to mit d others to go out...had to mit dat aiman(f**k him)....go toa payoh..made us wait 4 45 mins..but we had fun lorh...syiqah rmember tt incident tt i almost kiss u..wkakakaka...sial je.....ko lah sape srh diri dkat2...haha.....den mit him...den he said wanted to take out money..n find out he juz left juz lyk tt...fuck sia....cib tol....gi mati lah eh..wkakakakak vulgar....niwaez....den went home take train...had lotsa fun laughin wif l partner...wakakakaka....

den went to lot 1 wanted to buy sweet talk....bump into edwin...haha...he was smiling frm ear to ear..my owner mah...haha.....bought my fav drink...honeydew red tea....haha....den met nadiah...told her the whole story...she was wif hafiz..well,he had a gd sounding frm me....hu ask him to wear the same clothes evrytym he mits nadiah...wakakakak...

kae sad part...took 300 turn 1 round...mie msged arn....he told her tt he was bz....he oso tell her tt der r sum stuffs tt we cant understand 4 the moment...seriouzly i dun get it...wad did i do wrg tt he hav to do all tis...haiyo...i miss him ok..i admit tis..i reallie miss him...miss talking to him...gg out wif him...haiyo.....y wen evryting seems to b beginning it juz has to end.....haiz.....
well,i juz can say tt 2006 is nt a gd yr 4 me i guess...

till here.....
shud we blieve in fortune? fortune cookies perhaps? well all of tis is nt real..
if it is...it might juz b a coincidence.....mine says tis " you'll soon fall in lurve"
as if dat will ever happen....

freaking odd day

2006-01-26T21:18:00.000-08:00

had normal lessons todae..as per normal..xcept during chem...sumting odd happen....iza n syiqah hears humming frm a gal n d humming was getting louder....as 4 me n nad....we had shivers on our legs...its as if der was wind under the table...worst ting is tt..our bunsen burner flame was plaing tricks wif us...we had turn it into a small flame but suddenly the flame gt bigger...den while we were pouring hydrochloric acid into the test tube...the flame caught my attention...it was as if the the whole bunsen burner was on flame...the two opening holes had fire coming out frm it...wad the..it has neva happen b4...even mdm sharena was puzzled wen we told her wad had happen...its so weird...freaking weird....

niwaez,aiman msged me todae...he juz top up his ppd..but it is reallie a torture waiting 4 him to reply.....so..agreed on meeting him 2mr...maeb laz minute i wud freak out...especially if im wif syiqah..u noe hw crazy we can get..muahahah..

till here..my head is killing me...i cant take it...

todae is average

2006-01-25T20:57:00.000-08:00

well...nth much happen todae..juz tt felt sleepy in class...ms lee didnt come...n i was a gd girl todae...done all my lit work tt are suppose to b done in class during lit...muahaha....cud ans all the quick-fire qn...easy sia...haha...seriouz....well,den had hist..wah..almost fell asleep...well i did 4 about a min...wen i look up..ms sng was looking at me while teachin the class..n i act as if i was listening to her..haha...cant blame me..im a dramaqueen...ryte iza??? wadeva!!! hahaha..

after sch had some talk wif nadiah....had to convinced her to go 4 comp...den ma'am came....talk again...at last nad agreed..lets hope she didnt do tis bcos of being forced...plz..lets hope its nt lyk tt....niwaez...we agreed on the training dates....well 1 date was on zee's bdae....n on my bdae we might b havin a frenly match...wad the...bad luck sia....wkaakak..niwaez all tis r gg to b kept frm my family...lets juz wish they wont find out bout tis...lets pray....

niwaez...aiman msg me on tues...read it yest....well..hp spoilt again....wad the...s tt an excuse or wad...wadeva...roll eyes!!!

arn oso msg me...wad a shockin news...i dun hate him duh....y wud i hate sum1 hu i luv....his such a gd fren.....let me c...hmm...i dun hate fyza..cos i luv her...i dun hate mie cos i luv her..i dun hate my frens cos i luv dem...each n evrieone of dem r special to me...i juz cant bear to loose any of dem...nearly cried wen i read tt msg...i reallie dun wan to loose him kae....obviously,im oredi close to him....he's nt even replying to my msgs...i mean if he is saying all tt bcos of those ppl...i dun wan all of tt to b the reason for us nt being frens....i dun care bout dem kae...no matter if they lyk me or wadeva....i dun care..i dun lyk dem back n u noe tt im nt reallie redi ryte.....

well...juz nid to say tis...pressure n stress level still gg up n up.....

wads the matter wif u guys???

2006-01-24T17:12:00.000-08:00

hey... i realli apreciate..u guys wanting to protect me....or aniting...but seriouzly,im old enuf to take care of myself....n i try my bez to stay out of trouble...

well...in d 1st place i seriouzly dun even noe hu u r boi teckwhye lane....n i dun even noe if u exist or u dun....n i dun even noe if all tis is real...if it is reallie juz a prank...b brave ebuf to aproach me n tell me tt all of tis is a prank...i wont reallie get mad...but if tis is reallie a prank...it has gone too far...reallie too far....if u r sum1 hu i noe..b brave enuf to admit it...dun hide bhind ur cloak..if all of tis is real..juz tell me hu u r.....u wudnt b scared to tell me ur identity....unless u r playing a prank on me....btw, im nt threatened by all of tis ok...im juz curious to noe hu u r...i hav to noe hu u r...plz..plz...plz...reveal urself...if u r brave tt is...

to bdk alamak...hey...its a small matter kae.....evriting is fyn....im safe here...anyways,boi teckwhye agree to 'let me go' ryte.....nth will happen to me kae...lets hope nth wud.....dun werry so0o much kae....

im..so0oo0o confused

2006-01-23T17:40:00.000-08:00

kae...1st ws the boi teck whye inceident...sayin tt he is protecting me...which means dat bdk teck whye is protecting me.....den nw....arn says tt bdk wdlands is protecting me...huh? since wen.....i mean seriouzly...unless i didnt noe tt ive been protected by bdk woodlands...wad the....wah...nw im so0o confused.......niwaez...y is all of tis cropping up out of a sudden....i dun c y der is a nid 4 all tis...i mean i dun even noe hw far is the boi teck whye is true...maeb sum1 is playin a prank lyk wad ive said...but it seems too real to b a prank....wah...i dun wan all tis...i juz wan my old life back..i dun wan to tink of all tis stuff...plz.....

stress me is emerging again

2006-01-22T15:40:00.000-08:00

im gonna get stress again......tis yr is my big yr.....o levels.....tight schedule i hav ...onlie a few mths left....ders nt much tym.....almost evrie single dae im gonna come home late....worst still...im gonna go 4 comp tis yr again....hectic man...im gonna b dead tired by then...u gonna c the tired n bad temper me....haha....hate it wen im lyk tt.....well, the teams aim tis yr is the champion cup n nt to let greenridge win over us....biggest competitor is riverside..but we noe their stndard are high we hav to strive reallie hard...try our best...no more joking ard wen training....we dun want history to repeat again....

trainin will b 3 times a wk...if possible...but tentatively its gonna b 2 times a wk evry wed n fri....3 and a half hr each......theory will b evry sat......c hw tight is my schedule....wkdaes r lyk sch hrs n training plus PT....sats r theory...to get all infos in my head....our head i mean....n im onlie left wif suns to rest....walau wei..im gonna b so tired....wah!!1...i juz wanna cry......

prezzure is up...is gonna even b more worst wen officers steps in....their expectations are higher...they want us to go to national....wowza....we r dead.....if we reallie get in der....more prezzure.....haiyoyo.....well...what i can say is tt we r gonna try our best..niwaez gonna make a comp team shirt...no. 7 4 me...hahahaha....weee....

niwaez....rejected 2 more person...in total i hav rejected 5 guys tis mth....sry guys....i juz dun find tt 1 ting in all of u...n im still searching 4 sum1 hu hav it.....sry...

to iza: get well soon
to syiqah: dun tink too much
to sammie: luv u loads
to nadie:nice bumping u juz nw...haha....ngan hafiz aje...

i agree wif tis

2006-01-21T21:23:00.000-08:00

Girls are PERFECT in their own special way.Message: Message: Guys.realize that the girl holding onto u..is PERFECT in their own special way.The way she laughs..The way she sleeps..The way she loves you..The way she tries to please you...Always remember that.She can always walk away and up,getting someone else who can love hermore.For all you know,there is someone out there wooing heralready,but she is rejecting,a maybe perfect love for her..There might also be someone out there..who is willing to love her more than youare lovingher now,fufill her every need and love her asmuch as sheloves you.Understand that.Girls have a huge guilty concience....imagine this, guys.When you are holding her today...and then you cheat on her by huggingand kissinganother gal.and then you run back to her...and u do the same....but you see love in her eyes...What do you think?Do you feel the hurt?Can you feel the guilt?She loves you not because you aregood looking,have money,buy her things,make her parents happy,or that you have a car.She loves you for who you are.Your every touch, every word you say, everythingyou do.Guys.Cherish and appreciate your girl.Don't break her fragile heart.She is the only one who can love you that way.You won't wanna regret letting go of that specialgirl you have.For everything she has done for you, the leastyoucan do is to give her unconditional love as she has given to you.

well,i agree wif tis....

most guys doesnt appreciate their gals.....evry gals r special no matter hw bitchy...hw bad or hw vulgar they r.....der muz b tt soft lovely caring gal deep inside her... even if she doesnt show her lurve 4 u guys...she does lurve u.....a gal will owaez lurve sum1 hu she is wif....treat us gals better aite guys....

scary!!!

2006-01-20T22:41:00.000-08:00

kae those hu hav read my tagboard wud noe y the title is scary.....
im confuse though....well there's two possibilities to the ting...1 is tt sum1 is playing a prank on me....2ndly is tt it is 4 real...but if it 4 real...4 wad? n hw does the person noe me...n hw can his 'org bsar' even noe me...n protect me frm wad??? frm hu??? im so0o clueless.....haiz....better still i dun even noe y i nid protection n tt person is lyk 'protecting' me...but frm far..i dun even noe hu he is.....kinda creepy.....

but if its a prank im reallie gonna b mad at the person...reallie damn mad dat i wud make the person feel reallie guilty n miserable.....

lets juz hope 4 the bez in me.......
but thx to hu ever tt person is ...if u reallie wanna protect me...u hav to show n tell me hu u r...thx...

made tis during ss lesson 4 iza

2006-01-18T15:05:00.000-08:00

adakah ini cinta?

Ketika aku menatap wajahmu
dikala aku merenung matamu
aku bagai dibuai mimpi
aku bagaikan pari-pari
yang kehilangan di awangan

kau berikan aku tanda
kau berikan aku segalanya
kau lemaskan aku di persada cinta
kau biarkan aku lemas dengan cinta ini
cinta yang entah sejati

sejarah silam telah menghantuiku
ia bermain di benak fikiranku
aku terpaksa melalui pelbagi onak
demi cinta ku kepadamu

andai kata tiada jodoh kita
akan aku cuba untuk melupakan mu
walau hati ini sengsara
akan tetap aku mencintaimu....

thats 4 u iza.....u noe its bout u n tt person....syiq...sry aites....didnt noe tt tis wud make u tink of tt sum1....im reallie sry....

if all of u r wondering y i keep on writing such tings...well,im bored n i've gt nth to do....haha...no lah..juz tt tis stuff is on air right nw...love affairs....broken heart.....yadayadayada......u guys shud noe y....next mth is the lurve mth.....haha......too bad i dun clebrate tt month..i tink i dun.....niwaez....nt much to update...juz tt havin miserable tym in sch due to my ankle which is killing me weneva i move it in the wrg direction or wen gg up n down the stairs......

btw, wait 4 my upcoming malay ' poem'..........i apologize to all nn-malays im juz nt tt gd wif eng poems....

someting tt i made

2006-01-17T21:11:00.000-08:00

CINTA

adakah cinta ini benar
atau ia hanya illusi
cinta yg sebenarnya tiada
atau ia cinta sejati
berikan ku tanda
berikan ku segalanya

jika ia hanya suatu illusi
hentikanlah cinta dusta ini
usah berpura-pura lagi
biar cinta ini pergi

jika ia benar
biarkan aku merasakannya
usah cinta ini pergi
lenyapkan aku di persada ini
biarkan aku dibuai cinta yang sejati

hentikanlah kepura-puraan
jika ia hanya illusi
teruskan keabadian
jika ia cinta sejati

cinta
illusi atau
sejati?

was tinking bout tt word which is in mly...basically the whole ting is about love...whether the love is true love or nt...u'll neva noe by tis age...

niwaez to summarize up 4 todae.....lesson was ok.....had poa remedial....den went home change off to iza's..den reach home ard 7.45....no one scold me...weee......

he didnt msg me or call d whole dae...haiz.....found out tt his ppd is low...n cudnt contact him....juz nid to wait till he top up his fone...haiz....i tink tis fri is set if he says it is......

hmm....dcision made

2006-01-15T17:30:00.000-08:00

yest was such a shocking dae......hmm...well actuali was fun at 1st...went to town wif my sis.....weee....went shopping...well bought my sis her skirt....de nwe walk ard....she bought papa roach cd....den went all the way to p.s juz to find my skirt....so i settled 4 tis above knee dark green skirt frm samuel n kevin....nicey....haha....den walk back to town....walk ard...well....while walkin in town...we did normal stuff...haha....cuci mate lerh...haha.....well...nt reallie tt nmuch uh....was juz being my crazy self.....

i was so0o crazy tt i begin talkin nonsense hahaha....nolah...juz mixed up a few werds while talking...der was 3 tyms which i said wrgly... der was tis one part i saw tis guy...i noe him..but cudbt rmember his name..so0o my sis told me to go up to him n ask him whether is his email add is mfiq cos i onlie rmember his email add...haha.....so i was lyk..in ur dreams...r u crazy? tt will b the werst pick up point....i keep sayin pick up point...several tym...wen sudenly it snap into me..pick up point? isnt it suppose to b pick up line????? was laughing hysterically after realizing tt....haha...den wen we were in the mrt gg home....saw a bunch of guys....told my sis....hey one of dem is wearing the slip in shoes....n my sis was lyk...slip in? huh? slip in? isnt it suppose to b slip ons?i was lyk....huh????? hahahahahah...yarh slip on....paiseh paiseh...lame me....haha.....

well,der was tis part...i had to sneeze...i mean reallie sneeze....AH-CHOOOO!!!!! haha.....der was tis lady hu was walking pass me the moment i sneeze....i covered my mouth btw.....she was so0o shocked dat she cried...oh shit!!!! while tunin a couple of tyms to look at me....wif a shocked look...sry lady,...didnt mean to frighten u...haha....after tt incident...i cudnt stop laughing...was walking ard far east n laughed.....reallie laughed....alot of ppl was watchin me...hahaa....including all the guys...hahah...paiseh lei....haha.....but i cudnt care-less....haha...den went to lot 1....take neoprint...onlie 1 pic turns out nice...haha.....den went home

kae here comes the shocking part....

gt a miss call on my fone...a very familliar no.....was cracking my head tinkin hu it was...finally the person msg me n tell me hu he is....was so0o shocked wen he told me hu he was....hmmm.....cudnt blieve tt he wud contact me back 4 so0o long.....so he ask me tt qn...didnt even noe if it is on or off......he told me tt he it was still on 4 him..but nt sure bout me...hmmm...i dunnoe reallie....he was waiting 4 me wen he cudnt get to contact me....tt's so nice of him...he didnt even hav any gals wen he didnt contact me....its sweet,...yarh i noe...but....i noe he neva lie to me b4...he xpresses his feelings 4 me...n yes he still does....shud i say yes??? or no???? he's nice n evriting....but frm umai's description of his appearance,is kind of frightening...i mean i dun mind bout his look but haiz...iza noes hw he is described by umai.....scary babe......niwaez...the dcision has been made.....

evrieting is gonna b fyn.....

lets hope 4 the bez.....[to iza n mie]

sry guys

2006-01-12T20:50:00.000-08:00

hey...1stly,i wanna say sry to all....especially to those whom i've rejected....im reallie sry....fareez juz make me realize....ive been quite mean n selfish....but i did all tt bcos of a rson.....i hav my own reason....reallie sry u guys....its juz tt...my heart is closed since my last relationship.....its till nw dat its open up back.....by tt 1 person....maeb after tis 1 person....it wud b close again...n wud neva b open after tt...i hav no idea wen it will after tt.....

btw...tt 1 person is nt startin to fade away...i hav no idea y....but it hurts ....

ive been asked dat qn again by sum1 else...wad was my ans....sry,...but we juz gt to noe each other...u haven seen me...we havent met....the same old ans again.....i hav no idea till wen will i use tis reason...if nt tis..i will say..im sry....im juz nt ready...wen will i ever say yes again...say yes to sum1....quite a no. been askin me bout it....i myself am nt sure....lookin ard me...looking at my frens.....haiz.....i dunnoe.....niwaez..lets juz wait 4 tt right one...which i tink is right.....i wont wan to rush....i wudnt want to b hurt again..i wudnt wan to b cheated again....it juz hurt so0o much.....

came up wif tis

in a relationship...a couple will owaez feel tt der is a gap btwen dem...
its up to dem to seal tt small gap,
or to leave it,
till the small gap gets bigger by each dae
n turns into a big hole which may cause their relationship to suffer...

frm tis...may i say to all couples..if u feel tis way...do sumting bout it...tink it over....
if d gap cant b seal..u noe wad is bez...if it still can b sealed...seal it...b4 its too late.....

bad dae again...is tis my unlucky week????

2006-01-11T21:20:00.000-08:00

hmmm....todae is nt such a gr8t dae...well...had rush tru all my homework tis morning....did my eng n poa during maths class...luckily i can do two stuff at d same tym...was finishing my hw while listening to mdm mary xplain n teachin us d topic on histogram..its last yrs topic but wasnt covered laz yr...so had to b brought 4ward...luckily its an easy topic...cud understand w/o even looking...well,i guess...its true tt if u giv 90% attention in class u will understand n hav a gd grasp on d topic...hmm...i tink i shud do tis more often...haha...

well...during lit was hilarious...i was high tide....haha....was dancing ard on my seat,...rachel n fareez was bad enuf dat they had to tease me...i was trying to control my bladder....wen ms lee dismissed us... i gt up frm my seat n ran towards de toilet... haha....cudnt hold it..haha...was reallie relive after tt.....den had lit n eng...ms lee praised me as im d onlie one hu gt a particular qn which is known to b difficult correct...haha....by luck i guess...even though its d exact ans as her ans key...nyahahhaa.....proud 4 awhile...haha...den had hist...evrieone was hyper...cudnt keep still..especially our mouth..iza was practically laughing w/o any rsons...weird...den dismissed frm class...hang ard in sch,,,hang out wif the guys...hisyam..rudy...fadhly....normal peeps...the gals all...went to the library...help them find ,mly bks....den head to food culture...had alot of fun....haha...jokin ard...spending tym....haha....d gals n guys wud noe wad happen juz nw....niwaez..i had fun still cos he was der....haha...sweet ryte juz nw...... :p

den went back home alone....evrieone had to rush home...late oredi.....it was nearly 6 had alot of hw.....hmm.....
reflected sumting on myself...

i noe i may be fierce i noe its difficult 4 ppl to get close to me....maeb i shud change tis...lets juz hope i can......btw,sry to those hu hav ever praised me...im juz nt use to praises...cos wadeva u guys say bout me...i wont believe....especially appearance wise...i will take the negative comments dat u giv me butnt positive....cos wadeva positive comments u guys say bout me..i feel im nt gd enuf 4 tt....ders owaez tt sumting tt is lacking in me...so,weneva ders negative comment i wud tink back n use it to improve myself...until i've sucided makin a better me...den i wud take all d positive comments.....hope u guys understand...i juz wan a better me 4 myself n 4 my friends...im still searchin myself....

nt such a gr8t wk...but camp was fun

2006-01-09T21:50:00.000-08:00

i noe i've nt been updating...am lazy i guess.....so niwaez....lets do a quick brief summariation of wad had happen to me...

on 6/1/o6...

had day 1 of camp...my 1st dae wif sec 1I....neva meet dem b4 as i previously took 1E but den transferred to 1I...hmmm....was all set to welcome dem to our teck whye family..hahas....well..juz joke ard wif the chi boys at 1st...den the malay boy...den the malay gals....well...the gals were pretty shy...haha....our 1st ice breaker was whacko...d class was pretty violent while playing it...they realllie whack their frens....i guess tt's y the game is called WHACKo...den had the next prog...which i hav 4gotten...but 4 the 1st dae it was a struggle 4 all d sec 1I sc....all of us were begining to lose our cool....even though we scolded the class...the class did nt take it to heart...they were still jokin ard after tt...bubbly n noisy bunch u c...talkative is d werd... i onli manage to noe afew names...anis,fateha,sarina.daniel,shi en,zul and firdaus...tts all....i dun hav such a big memory....at nite..bathing tym...bathe wif iza...n did sumting stupid....we digged out her councillor badge frm the toilet bowl...yucks....but den found out it wasnt even hers.....sleeping tym....itwas freezing...i was practically shivering....my teeth was even chattering...cudnt stand d cold....slept at 2 n woke up at 3...slept back at 4 n woke up ard 5 plus...den called syiqah n took a walk wif her...both of us were shivering....beginning of dae 2....ok2...hadnt bathe yet..hahaha...stinky me...juz bathe myself wif perfume...den went 4 morning exercise...den breakfast...still haven bathe..nyahahah....den had the sec 1s to pack up n wash up...i still hadnt bathe....den 1I had their cheer practice....
den lunch tym....didnt eat had no mood 4 it...after a news bout competitn....its in 2 mths tym n ma'am wants us to go..but she s nt forcing us....hmm,...dunnoe lah...haiz...niwaez,den the actual initiation ceremony.....was so0o nervous 4 1I....they cudnt keep quiet while waitin..haha...den der was dat incident...iza,hariani n lydia noe bout it...shh.....haha....den went into hall...a vvideo presentation....den start d cheers...weee....1I did very well...was so0o0o proud of dem....they did very well den wen they practice...1I reallie rock the hall n bring the house down....wohoo0o0o....shawn russel even gave the class 2 thumbs up....we...won hands down...haha....didnt hav a big competitor during it...so 1I gave wad they wanted...1I best!!!!!!!! ryte iza???so...1I won the comp..the class was super happy....was shouting out loud..haha....den had mass dance....all of us were reallie shaking,....haha......den sat down 4 cca presentation....n sumting happen again..iza n syiqah noes bout tis...shh.....he doent like me ok......we r juz close..... den wnet home....hadnt bathe too..haha.....smelly me.....but sprayed perfue again.....haha...

so...todae.....hmmm...had fun in sch...was laughing ard.....met a few of my sec 1...1st sec 1 i met was firdaus....early2 dah jumpe.....wad the...bad luck uh.......den as normal...den after sch was raining...stayed in sch 4 awhile...had fun joking ard wif the guys...den played tis staring game wif harris,shaiful,raden n hezry.....they cheated ok...haha...den went to lot 1 went they rain subsided.....had lunch at kfc...den went to library...meet tis whole bunch of guys....me,sammie n iza was making frens wif dem...haha...were teasing each other actuali...iza n mie was abit shy....haha....1 of dem was cute right??????the one wif specs????? all 3 of us wanted him...hahaa...joking joking.....den wanted to stalk dem...nyahaha...den lost dem hafway tru....den met sum1 hu ishudnt hav met...saw him n started cursin.....den smile n walk away...den i cursed again...haha....cudnt stop it...well..dat person was givyin tis " oh-im-wif-sum1-n-i-c-u-r-wif-no-one-xcept -ur-frens"...dat is wad me n mie felt....haha...continued to curse until i board the bus...haha....vulgaration....so had some talk wif sammie....den,nw i feel miserable...
but i realize tt i shudnt feel tt miserale as if i had wan to hav a new guy i can....but i chose nt too....dats my dcision....maeb wen the right tym has come i wud....i juz nid to say yes to sum1....maeb soon.....maeb later...maeb even in a few yrs tym.....

my heart is close again.....wen will it b open???
it has been open...
but the person hu had opened it is beginning to fade away slowly....
n now let it b close till the next one open it up...

new year....

2005-12-31T14:07:00.000-08:00

GOODBYE 2005.....2006 IS HERE...

its so0o fast.....nw its 2006 oredi...a new yr 4 all of us....evrieting new 4 some....as for me...onlie stuffs r new...but frens r nt...maeb a few new frens..but im so0o nt ready 4 sch....
hu is.....my hw r undone...ders still alot to go...n im left wif todae n 2mr onlie...yikes...im dead meat......haha...chill...i will get it done.....even if i nid to sleep late....rather suffer then get scolded right...???niwaez.....nw im hafway tru my chem hw....im still left wif phy,hist,ss n lit....still alot ryte...well...im gonna try my bez to do it...maeb i wont do all of hist....ive gt a very nice,outgg n caring tcher...nyhahahaah....she's s0o0o kind too.....so i dun nid to werry so much bout it...im bad...haha....no lah...im juz lazy.....

niwaez...cant wait 4 tis tues...meeting all my frens....my classmates...n my sec 1 class...wee....cant wait to mit victor....he's so0o0o cute....haha.....niwaez.....actually im lookin 4ward 4 the camp...its gonna b fun fun fun....haha.....

hav no mood to update further due to some stuffs.....

sick again....

2005-12-28T10:29:00.000-08:00

AH---CHOO--....*COUGH*COUGH*...

NYAHHAHAHAH......DATS WAD I DID B4 I TYPE TIS ENTRY...

hey....im sick again....no fever...juz flu n cough...but im feeling miserable.....all tis is due to the change of weather n oso bcos i was in an aircond rm 4 3 whole hrs yest....n maeb bcos im missing sum1...hahahaa....yarh ryte....

so,niwaez...yest had lit class....it was freaking damn cold in der...i was freezing.....my fingers were numb...cudnt even write...my brain even froze...haha...i was sneezing n coughing nn stop...n ms lee was uber nice den she didnt call out on me...nyahahaha....maeb cos i was sick...nyahahahahaha......

after class went to eat wif syiqah...at lets eat....fav place...we ordered our fav fd...nyahahah...same order evritime....den she meets fai...i tagged along...cudnt resist disagreeing wif him on ervrieting.....den went off to yew t....had to buy rojak 4 my grandma...her fave....so went back alone...took 302 drop hafway...den walked home...no money ez link card mah...so walk home...alone.....was feeling terrible oredi....haiz...

reach home...watch tv...sleep....nth to do....den at nite went to lot 1....bank in my cheque...n top up my ppd...msg a few ppl...was wishing tt tt person wud msg me...but he didnt...haiz...guess his ppd was low...reallie miss talking to him...guess his bz or sumting....realie wish tt he wud msg me soon....he's the onlie one left tt i haven mit or reallie talk to...hav talk n mit all my darls...i even hugged my dear mie....haha....its so gd to mit her...miss her alot...she's my one n only luv ...wkakakaka....sounds so wrg....nyahahaha....im straight ok.....juz tt she's my partner....wakakakak...

to iza: gal chill aites....its juz a challenge 4 u...especially after wad u hav gone tru....b patient...try to do ur be...n try to talk to ur dad....itll help....juz rmember tis might b a challenge frm ALLAH......

to mie n nad: gal i miss u....cant wait 4 u to get back home frm camp...nayahahah
to syiqah: thx 4 lunch yest...nyahahah....had fun....rmember wad we talk about...tink wisely...make ur dision....

to Arn: hey...msg me wen u r free kae....miss talking to u.....

is 5 such a lucky no.???

2005-12-28T09:52:00.000-08:00

here r 5 stuffs tt im afraid of n 5 bloggers

i hav no idea y im doin tis...but iza told me to do t...so0o,im doin it 4 her...im such a gd fren....nyahahahahah...

5 STUFFS IM AFRAID OF:

1>ALLAH
2>BEING ALONE IN A CROWDED PLACE
3>FAILING MY EXAMS
4>CATS
5> LOSING MY DEARIES...

5 BLOGGERS:
1> SERI
2>NADIEE
4> ZAF
5>SAMMIE

SO ITS DONE....HAHAHA....nw u all noe wad im afraid off...n im proud of it...nyahaahahah....lyk real...buzzing out aites...

im back

2005-12-27T21:49:00.000-08:00

im back...finally...in spore...haha...its been such a long dae at msia...4 4 daes...i can die...ahahaha....

in kl...went to stay over at my relative house 4 3 daes...haha...fun....didnt talk to my cousins at 1st,...1st tym meeting dem...on the last dae of our nite stayin t their house we finally talke....den the next day...which is mon...went to watch chhronicles of narnia wif dem...haha...they r very fun to b wif....had lots of fun...even wif my guy cousin hu is the same age as me....den walk ard...had more fun....

so nw im back home....in my warm haha....actuali its cold....house...
the 1st person i called wen rich home is iza...n she was screaming my name wen she hear my voice..haha...miss me i guessed...den online chat wif the other gals...whaahah...miss dem...was looking 4ward to chat wif Arn oso...but guess he was bz...so didnt chat much...haiz...was quite sad...but i guessed we cud chat another day.....

niwaez havin class 2mr...boring...n i tink im gg to get sick...feeling super cold...my throat hurts...flu....n my body is warm.....hmmm....juz looking 4ward to mitting evrieone....all my darls...my sistaz...n even Arn...if onlie i cud..if tt is.....

to zai: hey...congratz aites....hope u will b happy wif her.....i noe u wud....

to iza: lex kae gal...we gals wont noe wad guys look 4 in a gal...its a mystery....if he had chosen u...tt means ders sumting special tt he sees in u...b proud of it...its nt all about looks...appearance...its all about ur character my dear...bout ur heart...wads deep inside....nt wads outside...i guess he chose u bcos of ur character n juz the way u r....

to mie: dun tink bout her tt much...he chose u...n he realizes his mistakes...he noes tt u r better den her n dat u r more worth it...u r patient..maeb tt is y he chooses u.....n u r nicer...u didnt went 4other guys wen u were waiting 4 him...

to syiqah:hey gal...tink bout it kae...b sure of wad u wan...dun let others dcide 4 u...u hav to dcide urself...u r the one gg tru...if u dun wan to b wif him...den dun....choose hu u tink is better 4 u...n do wad ur heart says....

miss u guys alot.....

luv u all....

hope to c u all soon.....

driving off

2005-12-23T20:12:00.000-08:00

23rd......the 1st half was quite happy...gt to mit the sec 1 of 2006...gt 1e....wahahah....ders tis boy,victor...he's so0o0o cute n friendly...well...no cute guys ard...or handsome one...perhaps all of dem r onlie 12....ders none older...but hu noes...muahahahah....

den went to lot 1...walk ard....went to eat..meet ARN...quite happy to c him...haiz after tt stupid incident....lets juz 4get it kaez...act as if nth happen....i want to b happy 4 myself 4 once....plz.....do tis favour 4 me...haha....niwaez...after tt...was suppose to go to the library,but he had to go off...so sent him off to the ctrl statn...he wanted sumting...wahahah...sry aites...i was in sch u....soo niwaez,acompanied him to wait 4 his frens....wen they came was feeling kinda scared..muahaahah....was scared uh...im onlie 15 gg 16 in 2 months n 2 daes....wakakaak....

soo0o tonite im gg off....at 12 to b exact...hmm...juz lyk cinderella wen the clock strikes 12...n im off
gonna miss evrieone...
iza....mie...nad...khai....syiqah...yuni...umai...n arn.....
gonna miss u guys alot...
luv u guys
hugs n kisses...
muackz muack muackz...will call u guys wen i get back kae.....

arn: reply my msgs plz................b4 12.....

driving off

2005-12-23T03:31:00.000-08:00

fun yest...quite sad todae

2005-12-21T17:46:00.000-08:00

hmmm....yest was fun...wee....morning had sjab.....was ordering ppl ard at 1st....den dcided to help ad clear up the rm...was rushin actuali...cos ARN was waiting 4 me....after finishing evriting...realized tt i was 1 hr late....wah....nid to rush...he was mad lah....obbviously....walked up to him n he had tis sulky annoyed iritated face...hmmph....said sorry a dozen times while trying to xplain to him y i was late...i was wrg...i knew he had to go to sch...n i had to b late....bad me....den walked wif iza,izaan n ARN towards the lrt...pheonix i tink....by then he was ok...phew....hahah....so had teased iza abit...especially wen the lrt came..muahahah...jakun ye za? wkakakaa....so board it...den reach cck mrt statn...had to wait for my dear...so..iza n i finish off our deal..mauahahaha...rather embarrasing....it was in public...n it was sure crowded....so wen dear came...talk abit..laugh alot...den ARN went off....izaan stayed...mrt came...boaard it....was laughing hysterically in the train...others were lokking cos we were laughing n to add to it iza was holding the soccer ball....didnt i mention we were gonna play soccer????muahahah....yep...we were playing soccer...went to syiq house...at der had to do sum stuff 4 her...lyk filling up her bottle....lets skip the part on the bicycle...which is too hilarious...

so went to badminton court ard tt area...played 2 vs 2....scored a few goals...iza scored a few too...so0o i guessed it shud b a draw...oh yarh..iza n syiq fell the same way..wakakak...they step on the ball...n slip...ouch!!!!!...sry guys but cudnt help but to0 laugh..it was funny....den khai n nad came...hey miss u guys...wen they came i had gone to the 711...after meeting them though..bought slurpee...n omg...the cashier der is damn cute...he was even smiling...wee...hhaa.a....so sweet...n seriouzly...he's cute....can i hav ur no. pls?????? hahaha....if onlie i cud ask tt....hey im shy...yarh ryte....haha

so niwaes...den rushed home...den tt was 4 tt dae....

so....4 todae...had sc meeting...lagh abit...den went to eat at ljs....had several unknown ppl msging me.....den...met my aunt...den my aunt talk to me bout tt person....iza noe hu he is....yarh...my aunt dun allow me to b reallie close...she onlie allow us to b frens...hmm...another dissapointmnt....hey..i noe he is nt lyk my ex...but evrieone is special in their own way....i dun get it y u can accept other guys to b reallie reallie close to me....so...nw im nt sure wad im gonna do...but maeb im gonna keep all my feelings away...n try to stop d feeling frm brewing...i hav to....b4 ill b hurt again....

wont b blogging till next wk.....

will miss all my darls...my sistaz...my frens alot......n ARN TOO....

Miss-im-juz-being-a-caring-fren-so-dun care-how-i-feel-4-u

2005-12-19T16:27:00.000-08:00

the title...yupz.....i bcame dat again juz nw.....well,it kinda hurts...almost wanted to cry.....he was so0o0o heartless ok.....he oredi noes the truf...n he cud still say all tt to me....as if im juz one of his caring frens.....well,i was juz askin him..actuali joking...n he took it as if i was realli asking him....n he could tell me evrieting....felt so0o0o hurt....but i realize tis...he's nt worth it....sry if u r reading tis...but if u r a gr8t guy....u wud at least b concern about a frens feeling...shudnt hav juz say all tt to me directly...it hurts alot....i wudnt show it cos i noe im nth to u....hu am i ryte.....but seriouzly..nw u r making me tink twice bout u...bout ur character...since tt dae...u keep talkin to me bout tis gal..tt gal...n im juz listening n asking u to go 4 it...wen actuali im hurting ...hey boy,1 piece of advice...find the right gal...choose the right one....b sure tt she's gd enuf 4 u...b sure tt she wont play wif ur feelings....u wudnt want to b hurt again ryte.....
u've been hurt to much...too many gals hav cheated ryte? sorie to is tts nt true...but tis is wad i had gathered....niwaez...maeb ill try my bez to 4get u.....i dun dserve sum1 hu is lyk u....

sammie...iza.....u guys r ryte.....i shud hav take the advice tt u gav me....to0o reallie move on n 4get bout him...cos he is nt worth it...he did it twice to me....tinkin tt it doesnt hurt me...hmm....niwaez galz...mit u 2mr...n i still cant find my soccer ball...

ARN where are u?????????? i nid u now................
mie.....darl.......pls cheer me up.......i nid ur jokes..........
iza......i nid ur probs so i can 4get mine............
nad..........i nid to hear ur laughter again...........
syiqah.......its been such a long tym since i hear u fight wif sum1....

hey u guys...i nid all of dat nw...to juz stop tinkin bout tis stuff.....

blardee helll

2005-12-18T13:16:00.000-08:00

hey...i hav no idea where my previous post wen to...i tink it dcided to play hide n seek wif me forver..xcept tt it is hiding foreva...get it??? it means...i hav no idea where it is...maeb dleted it by mistake..hmph...waste my tym typing..muahahhaah...

niwaez...too summarize up the previous post tts gone in thin air..well,juz sayin sry to all....
im confused right nw..maeb i reallie hav to tink 1st....well,did abit of tinkin...n i tink tt..im holdin on bcos of my family...tt shud b it...n juz tt the feeling is too strg...i juz nid my frens ryte nw...to help me clear my messed up head....n i nid sum1 reallie badly...hmm....i noe others hav probs too...so0o,let me juz keep it to myself after tis...i mean the matters of my heart will b kept within me frm nw on...i dun wan to make other feel sad,sorry or even pity me....its juz nt ryte....they hav their own probs....
i've been selfish all tis while...tinkin tt my frens r here by my syd...to listen to all my probs..but im nt listening to theirs...im nt such a gd fren i gues...
well tt gonna change.....
im gg to settle my probs all by myself....juz taking advice frm those hu i am close wif...n better still..i will help my frens in nid.....wudnt tt b juz perfect....

so...bout yest....after telling him evrieting...i felt light...but...sumting feels weird....i dunnoe...felt down..but den aftr havin a few jokes wif my darlz..i felt better..n evrieting juz went away.....hmm...was i right bout my feelings?? im reallie confused nw....sumtyms i feel as if my heart is empty.....sumtyms its filled wif memories of his luv....sumtyms it filled wif hatred towards him....i hav no idea.....

n im confused too...realli confused.....hmm...i guess i juz nid sum tym off....away frm others..away frm all the busy roads...away frm the city....maeb i nid atrip down to the beach....if onlie i cud.....

oh yarh...btw,i dunnoe y..but im having doubt wif him....as i had said...its difficult 4 me to trust guys...n its difficult 4 me to trust ARN to..sry dear...juz tt im scared of even losing sum1 hu i am closed too....maeb u r ryte...u r here to help me 4get bout him......but,i dunnoe if its werking or nt...cos i still dun feel secure...as in i hav tis mindset tt me n u are onlie frens n tt juz it....so0o a guy fren wudnt help to replaced an ex...its two difrent tings...but i admit wif u bsyd me it helps to 4get him....but its juz a temporary ting....wen im wif u i wud feel tt....but wen im nt wif u...i keep tinkin bout him again.....tis makes me reallie confused...

hmm...juz realized syumting...all my post is about me n him me n ex me n hu ever..me lyk sum1 me in lurve...blah blah blah.....well,tis is the onlie probs tt i can tell u guys..the rest of my probs r juz too personal 4 me to broadcast it on 'air'........

well....

to nadie: hey darl...sorie aites 4 evrieting...didnt mean to hurt u or aniting.....i luv u ...u noe tt ryte.....we've been reallie close since last yr....u noe we neva go anywhere w/o each other in sch..tt wud b the same...i mean...even though we wudnt mit up tis hols or aniting...u will owaez b in my heart....well,let me b honest here....i hav no idea y i didnt ask u along...maeb its bcos i was tinkin twice...i hav tis mindset tt u cant go anywhere w/o hafiz....sry gal...but its juz the way tt i tout....if its nt true im sry...but i reallie luv u kae dear...missing u owaez....reallie sry.....we r wrg.....u r nt.....niwaez....miss u alot....luv u kae darlz...muackz......

i wont b blogging frm 23 to 27...gg of on a holiday trip...weee.....

will u guys miss me????????????????????

untitled entry

2005-12-16T19:15:00.000-08:00

i noe i noe lame title...well cant tink of 1...wkakaka...y dun u tink 4 me...crapzzzz
was suppose to hav sjab todae...n nt even a single sec 1 turn up...better still...my msg bout todae's meeting gt lost hafway...i tink it gt lost in the dessert or even a jungle...wkakakakaka
so onlie a few turn u...2 sec 2s 4 sec 3s...den ard 10.30 they went home n left onlie me ,zi n nad to joke ard n hav crapping fun together...miss those days...was mesmerizing the times we had together...wkakaka.....was making alot of noise in sch...better still laughing loudly..ard nearly 12 we left sch...had agreed upon meeting ARN.... technically he was suppose to fetch me frm sch...but he didnt...wakakak..he was scared tt he cudnt make it on time...so juz met him at cck...was reallie glad to mit him....
waited 4 5 mins 4 him to finish his ciggs...den we went the long journey into lot 1...by the back door....hav no idea y we did t...wkakakakaka....den went to the library...was reading tis shakespeares twisted tales....kids version..... ARN was reading tis mly jokes mag.....n was laughing to himself at certain periods....i ju smiled n shook my head...den ard 1.30 kol my aunt...was suppose to mit her bt cancelled...den off to ntuc....
had abit of accident der.....was taking a fishball packet wen suddenly he came frm behind n wanted to* on the cheeks....but instd i hit him on the cheeks wif my head....hey...cant blame me....im ticklish in the neck area...n it had shocked me...wkakaka....his cheeks was quite hard...my neck was babit painful..but i tink his cheeks was more injured as my head hit it...hard head u see...due to stubbornness...crappz.....
the sweetest part was wen i was finding packet noodles...the ntuc was getting crowded n i didnt noe where was it...he called out to me n said.." u sini" n he shoot out his left hand to his back infrt ofme....i was lyk" ape die" <"wad ting">he gestures 4 me to take it..so put my palm on his...wakakaka...was damn sweet..my hand was super cold as i was holdin two packets of fishballs....he bring me to the packet noodle area n den let go of it...wee....was quite happy,..yarh i noe its lame...but juz tink which guy fren wud let out a hand wen u r in a crowded area...kaez2....stop....
den went home take 172...he took 190 to mit his fren in bukit pjg..i tink a gal...or maeb a guy..nt sure......didnt ask...

oh yarh...ARN doesnt allow me to ride a bike....boo hoo...he was lyk..no bike license 4 u...no...so i asked him y..he said...no..tknk mcm2....i was lyk but its nt now..its in a few yrs tym....n he was lyk...no....i lost 3 person n i dun wan to lose 1 more...no...n oi was sulking abit...n continue to do my stuff....i hav no idea y...but he seriouzly wudnt let me..haiz....li tnk i still am gg to take it wen im off age....haiz....

niwaez...nt gg out todae....maeb 2mr...buying my girly shoes...wakkaakkaaka....the one tt i hav is overly used.....n its gonna brk into two sooner or later....so hav to fyn new shoes/....

next wk schedulu...havin sch on tues wed fri.....futsal training on tues...im dead if my aunt finds out bout me playin futsal...

den on 23rd we'll b of on a holiday until 27...i noe sum1 is gg to miss me...wkakaakak...he told me juz now....he was lyk " alah...tkyah pegi lah...ape sey...gi holiday......nnt i boring ....alah,....." i cud ju giv a smile.....wkakakakakaak.....

as i normally end my entrys....

bridget,tibby,lena miss u guys waez....ARN too....
hugs n kisses 4 u guys....luv u loads....

wah...i miss dem

2005-12-16T02:17:00.000-08:00

i juz realize sumting.........i MISS DEM!!!!!!!! i miss my frens...i miss my table...miss my darlz especially...wkakakaa...niwaez tis hols has brought us closer together...reallie close..dat it forms the sottp.....muahahahahaha...n i miss him...haha..miss ARN....i wonder if he misses me...wakkaakakak...dream on gal...he wudnt...we juz met todae...so he wudnt b missing me oredi...well,he was reallie eager to mit me todae...

so ARN msged me ..n ask me if i wanted to mit him..n i said aniting...so i ask him y.?? n he say i wanna mit u....such an obvious reply...he even wanted to go to bugis where i was juz to mit me...too bad den i was gg to geylang after tt..he even say tt he wudnt mind gg to geylang....wakakakak....he is reallie seriouz bout mitting me...hmm....so met him at lot 1...introduce him to my aunt n my aunt's godsis...den went to eat dessert...was so0o0o fun haha...den sent him of at the lrt...well he wanted me to sent him off..but my sis followed...so0o talk abit wif him b4 he went off..n den...muahahahahahah...a gdbye kiss...yada yada yada...i mean he gave me a gdbye kiss in presence of evrieone..it was kinda embarassing....ut wad to do....i tink der was tis two gals at the lrt....n i tink they were watching us...n luckily my sis didnt saw it...wakakaak....kae2...4 the credit...me n ARN r juz frens...reallie...very very very close frenz...blieve it or nt...niwaez....cant wait to mit the rez...wee...

miss u guys loads...especially tiiby,lena and bridget...hugs n kisses 4 u three....hugs 4 others.....

so0o happy to b on my two feet back..well..its definitely a struggle b4 it...but the sottp gals helped me alot....n its due to ARN tt causes me to lift myself up n face th world again...but alot alot n alot of it goes to the sottp gals...u guys reallie made me wonder hw much willpower do u guys hav tt u guys can help me to b on my feet hahahaha...crap arent i..muauahaahahahahahaha.....

sottp gal...futsal training next mon/tues...but jepon is free on mon...so0o ifd its mon...mit at cck int at 8 4 tibby..n 4 lena n bridget mit at lena's area at 9....ill b bringin d ball..wakakakak....

wah...i miss dem

2005-12-15T09:04:00.000-08:00

blah blah blah..yada yada yada....

2005-12-14T02:38:00.000-08:00

i tink im back on my two feet....but still nt yet ready 4 aniting..well..i reallie wanna take tis opportunity to thx those hu hav help me to get back to my senses n onto my two feet...it made me realize hw important my frens r to me...after wad they had advice me...thx u guys...yarh, nw i realizes evrieting..i c the big pic nw...i wudnt lose aniting if i cudnt hav him....i mean der r still others out der hu can accept n will accept me 4 hu i am...

niwaez,sry guys...didnt reallie hav the mood to talk or aniting...feeling down lately...well,it might due to bcos its the holidaes...n i cant go out n im struggling 4 my own living...worst still i dun even noe hw to do tt...1stly,im nt werkin 2ndly my collectn money all hav been used up 4 my transportation n sch allowance...haiz..n nw im onlie left wif 2 bucks...n tt 2 bucks is to keep me alive 4 tis fri...n my ezlink card has o cents in it...n im havin a long dae on fri....haiz...maeb bringin food frm home i guess....hmm...well..i still haven do any planning...n itink im date...reallie werkin against tym nw....4 more wks to sch reopen....3 more wks to lit n eng class..which means hell..haha...all byronknights wud agree wif me....

btw...as 4 todae...am quite happy....
well arn was practically telling me tt he was wif his fren hu is a gal..n he ept rpeating dat they r nt doin aniting..were juz talking...n he told me tt he was juz sending her home....den was teasing him actuali was saying"rajin u anta die balek?" hs reply"jgn ckp mcm gtu lah u...i tk nk kecik kan hati u..i bkn ape..tapi i nk tau if u hav any special feeling 4 me or wad?plzz tell me d truf..i wan to noe frm ur heart"
so..i told him the truf...n ask him back cos tt was wad ive been tnkin to ask him...so...he told me the truf n we nw noe hw we feel 4 each other..juz tt we r nt ready to b in any relationship...so we r staying the way we r.....n we r happy wif it....n im reallie happy tt he had asked tt questn if nt i will neva noe hw he feels.....n he noes hw i feel.....hahahahahahaha....crazy me....

its reallie great to hav such nice frns....frens hu will stand by u...tru thick n thin....wud lend a listening ear even wen they hav probs demselves.....niwaez...dis is wad me n another 3 gals r doin.....bridget,lena n tibby....carmen her saying all my thx kisses n hugs..to the three of u..luv u darlz...muackz muackz muackz...

10/11....

2005-12-11T03:20:00.000-08:00

..weee....

todae had so0o0o much fun....
went out wif iza,mie n syiqah....tis was our plan ...den arn join us...n followed ur...b4 tt..wen to far east n search 4 iza her skirt...found the perfest skirt 4 her....it reallie look nice on her...but check out the price...woohoo...was about to flip...it was 36 bucks....omg...wad the hell...so0o0o x....so...dcided to scavenge 4 cheaper similar ones...went to level 3 n saw tis small shop...it was barely noticed...but we noticed it..muahahaha,....niwaez went in..saw tis pleated skirt den saw another one...wee....chose one 4 iza...she wanted a light colored skirt but den settles 4 a black one..it was damn funny wen she was in the fitting rm..wkakaka....had shouted 4 my help..was lyk..."ayu msk sini tlg aku" haha...even the shopkeeper was laughing....well,she look gr8t in the skirt...n its reasonably priced 24..wkakaka.....n its nice...nice on her too....she look gr8t....
den went to meet arn at level 2...iza recognizes him straight away...n i was lyk..huh? oh yarh dats him..yarh..introduced dem to him n him to dem..den went out of far east wanted to go tock tangs to buy his perfume....otw...iza bought mrs fields cookies...whahaha...so he chosed a tommy hilfiger cologe..it was nice..but kinda strg..wakakaka...but still i lyk it....den roamed ard...syiqah was practically fighting wif him....n her sandals gt detached again...3 tyms if im nt wrg...wakakakak....pity her...go buy a new one lah gal...well,the rest are juz to b memories to b kept btween me n my darls...ahahha...no lah..lazy to type oredi....

well,been tinking again.....so dcided tt i realie move on nw....no matter hw much my family luves him....i hav to dcide it on my own....my dcision is final..gg to try my best to 4get bout him...n yupz wad my darlz say is true...der r others hu r still better den him..n im onlie 15...still a long way to go..im happy wif the way im leading my life...adapting to a new way tt i found thx to arn....n i lyk the way it is....its more better...i wont get hurt or sad or wadeva...i wont even feel werried bout aniting....in times to come...wen sum1 ask me to b wif dem..i wud tink twice n nt make the same mistakes ever again never...the mistakes tt hurt me badly....tt wudnt let me live my life lyk i usually do..bcos of tt i hav o change....change to b a better me...thx to my babes n arn...thx alot u guys...u guys actuali helped to pull me together....thx again..luv u guys loads....
hugs n kisses frm me.....
*huggies*
*muackz*

life is really unpredictable..
u will neva noe wads in 4 u the next min
wad is unexpected might happen
wad is expected might nt...
lets juz wish 4 the best
n hope tt our life wud give us the memories tt we neva had wanted..
memories tt r unforgotten.....

they dun approve of other guys

2005-12-09T21:20:00.000-08:00

frm the title...yupz...my family dun agree of other guys being close wif me...hu do they prefer ...him....onlie him...yes i admit...i still do hav feelings 4 him...but im trying hard to get over it...cos he is reallie moving on...he is sailing smoothly..whereas im on a bumpy road....full of obstacles....niwaez..
wad did my family say....

my aunt" ayu..ko nk kwn ngan bdk lelaki mane blh...tapi jgn rpt sgt seme tk btol...seme tk mcm zai...."
my grandma"ko nie...tk abez2 nk mataer...dulu dah dpt kan yg bgus....si zai...ko uat endah tk endah...dah terlepas die kan skrg...die tu bdk baek..."

my aunt n grandma"mama ngan nenek suke btol ngan zai tu...klau ko balek ngan die smule...kite mesti very happy....."

my sis" klau ko balek ngan die aku ktawe dulu...nmpk sah jodoh...actuali mmg dah proven gak arh...muke krg mmg same...tkkan ke mane..."

so....to summarize tis up i am unable to accept anione 4 nw...my head is in a mess....
my feelings r confused.....i onlie noe dat i nid my darlingz now..i tink i still lyk him...i tink i dun...but do hav the strg feeling stilll but...haiz...i dunnoe.....onlie this lines will say evrieitng to wad im feeling ....

fate,show thy force;ourselves we do not owe.
what is decreed must be,and be this so.

let juz put evrieting to fate...if it is meant to be it is meant to be....

well, i juz hav tis last few werds 4 tis entry tt is 4 him....i still rmember wad u say to me..wad our plan was....n all the promises....its all kept deep in my mind...
u may find tis weird or wadeva...but its reallie pressurizing if u were in my shoes...juz imagine if u were nt allow to hav other relationship cos ur family dun allow u to do so...all other guys r nt suitable....wont u find it hard to 4get bout ur ex....wont it b hard 4 me to 4get bout u...to keep the feelings dat i hav far frm me....tt is y the feelings r still strg......

im sorry...reallie...

2005-12-04T02:11:00.000-08:00

to ARN: im sorry...didnt mean to make u angry....juz tt...i had tis feeling u were....n was juz curious...im sorie kae.....i reallie am....pls 4giv me.....its juz tt alot of tings is in my mind nw.....i dun even noe wad i shud do nw.... evrieting is in a mess.....4giv me plz...reallie....
i noe u wudnt even read tis...cos u dun even noe my blog...niwaez..i lyk spending tym wif u...as a fren...haha....its fun,it made me 4get all the probs tt i hav...u juz brighten up my dae...my life n my evrieting....reallie...since the dae we gt to noe each other as a close fren...i feel tt my life is more brighter...n i cud joke ard even more wif my frens nw...thx aites..u r reallie a gr8t fren...wont want to lose u...thx kaez....4 evrieting...lets go out again another dae....

wad a dae....

2005-12-04T01:51:00.000-08:00

lime sonic bang!!!!!!!! it rock??????? kinda...abit....well...its ok....was quite bored...nt sure y....n was feelin low as per normal..niwaez...i hate the part wen the anugerah finalist came out.....girls were screaming frm evrie directions.....wth.....my ears was in pain from their screamin....my sis was one of dem...haha....was nt sure wad was so0o0o gr8t bout dem aniwaez....

ummm....well,actuali it was kinda freaky to b der....1stly,it was damn crowded...n im afraid of the crowd...ahhhh!!!!! haha....2ndly..ppl were staring at others weirdly.....freaky....den...ders the stalker lyk ppl....hahah...oh yarh...der was dis incident...tis guy was wif her gal...n i dunnoe how he ended up being bhind me n his gal right infront...so,niwaez...he was standin reallie near me....damn near....i cud feel his hand/arms wen i lean to the back...super freaky....had aked my sis fren to c 4 me hu was he....he was reallie freaking me out...tout no one noticed it....well,at least sum1 did....my fren did...hahah...he told me he was about to do sumthin if the guy gt more close to me...haha...thx ya...luckily he didnt...if nt ill b so0o0o shocked n mab wud even slap him..haha...fierce me...but was nt being myself jz nw...actuali had been warned b4 hand nt to b myself...as i wud land myself into deep trouble if i did...hey..cant blame me...blame my mouth..hahaha....it cant
b shut..n blame my temmper...hu asked it to b so0o0o hot-tempered..

had is weird felling nt sure y...was kinda abit jealous...was kinda nt...nt sure lah...but maeb was juz scared tt tings wud rpeat itself.....well...since the 1 yr n 1 mth relationship ting...i became more scared n afraid..afraid i might loose the guy tt i lyk...even though he is juz a fren...n wif the stupid incidents tt occur..it makes me more scared...hmm...im nt sure y...i juz dun feel secure....
n yarh i noe...ppl may find me stupid...as i rejected alot of ppl cos im waiting 4 him...n waiting still even though im gg on dates....but i will neva ever go into a relationship i tink...shud b...im juz nt ready....

to him: im still waiting...i hav nt venture into a new relationship since the promise tt i made....i onlie go on dates yet it doesnt feel the same....i cant get over our relationship...i juz cant get over u....i will wait ok....but i will go on dates to juz fill in my empty heart....
i may sound crazy or stupid....but seriouzly...a promise is a promise...unless i seriouzly am assure myself tt i hav to get over u...cos u reallie found sum1 new..n wad u said to me was untrue...
btw...wen u tolde me tt u gt a new gal...n tt u were havin a pit n tt u were gg to hav gals over,....i was jealous...yarh i admit it....i am jealous...reallie jealous
but wad to do....u found sum1 new...i cant blow my top 4 tt ryte....i mean u wudnt want sum1 hu wudnt hav the tym to spare 4 u....niwaez...if u reallie hav sum1 new...i hope u will b happy wif her.....n wen u r reallie happy wif her...maeb i will try to 4get u...even if it hurts me alot....

feeling reallie down........

ummm....down?????

2005-12-02T21:00:00.000-08:00

hmmm.....tis wk....nt realli a gd wk...

startin to realize sumting....evrytym i fall 4 sum1...he tends to lyk sum1 else....n i hav to help the one tt i lyk to get the gal tt he lyks...well,im nt sure y...the story goes lyk tis....

A is a guy fren of mine...been contacting him 4 a few wks....so0o0o began to develop a lil bit of crush on him....den A found out tt i noe B hu is a gal..so...A gt intrested in B....n B gt intrested in A.....so, im backing of den to make space 4 dem...n being me,i will try to get dem together....

niwaez,wad i tink now is tt..B doesnt realli care on how i feel...as she noes tt im ok wif it...yup z..she's ryte im REALLIIE ok wif it......its REALLIIE FYN wif me...well,its my part to help B as i hav many guy frens....so,juz to let her get to noe guys n maeb b seriouz wif one....
well,i guess 4 now i wont reallie get into a relationship or even fall 4 sum1....as i feel tt im gonna lose tt person in the end to sum1 whom i noe or i dont.....

wadeva it is...no matter wad...i dun mind giving up wad my heart feels n wad my heart tells me......wad i want is to c B n others happy wif the ones tt they will luv later....

another issue here....she neva listen....she neva does....wanna noe wad...weneva i talk to her its as if im talkin to the wall...wth.....but weneva i talk bout guys...she will perk up n listen...especially wen i say sum1 wanna noe her...n tt sum1 is whom im close to....wth....wadeva...i dun care....btw,u call urself a listener to others.....i say tt u r NOT.....

tinkin tt i lyk sum1 ...no i dun....no...i do lyk sum1....no i dun/...i do lyk sum1...no i dun....hmmmm....i dunnoe....

weee...fun ...fun...fun....

2005-11-29T23:30:00.000-08:00

weee......had class outing todae....its was fun....hahaha...so...went to ecp.....settle down at our pit...had some errands to do.....so the class played some games...n to dem its boring....i dun even noe y.....the games are all fun....wad the heck...all games are fun....hahaa..den...der was free flow....so...me,fyza,nad,syiqah n umai wanted to rent bikes n rollerblade..den dcided nt to as we had onlie an hour to do all tt....so...wen to walk by the sea....it was nice...wif our feet squishing in the sand n water.....as per normal at ecp....full of skimmerz.... juz ignored dem n continued walking n hav fun.....den dcided to stop wen fyza n umai wanted to go to mcs...so me n syiqah sat on the sand...n nad juzt stand...were sitting while talking n laughing....wen suddenly....der was a HUGE wave n it went up tpast us....we were half wet....front was dry n back was wet... i was so0o shocked dat i did nt moved...syiqah was oredi screaming...haha.....wanted to end our embarassment,we soaked ourslef onlie up too ur knee...the rest we juz let the waves do the job.....den,i was standing alone nearer to the sea....the rest was about 2 cm away frm me...didnt realize wad was happening bhind me wen out of a sudden..sumting hit my ankle..ouch..it hurts...it was damn hard....looked down..n saw a red skimboard bsyd my feet...wif its owner juz recovering frm his fall...he said sorie n ask if i was ok....so,said i was, even though its hurting...duh the board was damn hard...den..he ran towards his frens hu were laughing...n thx to syiqah....she was laughin her heads off.....nice one syiq....after tt... went back to pit...didnt eat tt much juz a hotdog...stomach was growling...den had some emoing....after the class was dismissed...had a small debrief...den headed home...reallie felt lyk crying...
reached home...no one even asked me if i had my meals or nt....went to bathe den to my room where i had let out a few trickles of tears....

well,maeb all of dem are too busy...its ok.....
so....

niwaez juz come up wif tis...
im a listener n an advisor..yet i hav no listener n no advisor.....

a song tt is quite similar to wad im gg tru...wif a lil difrence..

2005-11-25T20:55:00.000-08:00

Because of you-Kelly clarkson

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

nw tryin to reallie move on...n 4get the past...but i wont find anyone special at the moment....
sorie guys.....